I stood in my kitchen yesterday after running errands with my teenagers, and I could feel it… the overwhelm. My God, was I overstimulated. I elbowed my way through the kitchen, trying to pull together a far-too-late lunch for myself. One teen decided they were going to make scrambled eggs and was asking for instructions, while my 11-year-old twins raced downstairs (still in their pajamas) and immediately began fighting over the toaster.
From the other room, I could see Ben keeping a safe distance, peeking in as if to say, “You okay?” At that moment, the overstimulation was just… too much. We were four days out from Christmas, and I had been very chill up until then. But suddenly I blurted out (slightly quieter than a yell)“I am overstimulated!”
I instructed the twins to sit at the table and wait until I finished. I made sure my teen knew how to proceed with their scrambled eggs without burning the house down. Then I picked up my lunch and set it on the kitchen table before thinking… Why am I putting myself in the middle of all of this and making myself so accessible? I grabbed my plate and headed to my cute little office (my haven) right off our bedroom.
Ben quietly snuck off to his haven: our heated, detached garage that doubles as his office, man cave, and sanctuary. I mean, the guy gladly took on four more kids and pours so much of himself into them. He deserves an escape too. He even named it The Sane Asylum.
I ate my lunch, opened my 2026 agenda, and began to make a plan… a routine.
Here’s the thing: I thrive on routine. It is my secret sauce. I’m an early riser. I like my healthy meals. I like my sparse social schedule. I like goals and checking things off a list. Routine makes me tick. It makes me a better mom, a better wife, and honestly… it makes me successful.
In fact, I made a conscious effort to let my routine go from the day the kids finished school until… well, today (it’s December 29th as I write this). I think I wanted to show everyone that occasionally I can be laid back (insert the “I’m a cool mom” quote from Mean Girls, mixed with the squiggly smile emoji). But in all honesty, I know myself. A routine is how I maintain an identity outside of motherhood. It’s how I put my oxygen mask on first. It’s how I stop the doom scrolling. It’s how I keep my mind and body healthy and my soul quiet.
So that little episode in the kitchen yesterday wasn’t a bad thing. If anything, it was the exact signal I needed to re-establish a routine (that, plus some stomach trouble telling me to lay off the Christmas sweets).
Yes, things will be a bit more flexible until the kids go back to school on January 5th. But today, I set my alarm, ate the right things, made it to the gym, and am hammering out some work. And wow… do I feel better.
At the end of the day, it’s nice to take your hands off the wheel for a little while… gorge on food, binge shows and movies, lose track of time and what day it is. But bringing back structure is what’s going to move me toward my goals, both big and small.
I have been so many shapes and sizes, and each one has served its season well. At times my body was to carry me through new experiences, and at other times it’s housed my babies.
It grew two humans at once.
It has been a safe haven and a place of warmth and comfort.
I’ve celebrated and appreciated what my body has done and each purpose it has served.
In 2015, as my twins began to crawl and my older kids gained more and more independence, I made myself a promise… that I would get stronger than I had ever been before. It was the least I could do for a body that had been through a war, and had been left bruised and mushy.
But this journey has taken time.
I think what people don’t talk about is the time it takes to rehabilitate our bodies after pregnancy. Think about everything that has to change and go exactly right to grow that little person. Your body is stretched, and shifted, and pulled and ripped.
Give it time to heal.
Appreciate every season.
Define your own personal goal that best thanks your body and celebrates what it has created and the journey it has taken you on.
I was inspired to create this video after receiving a DM from a twin mom who’s babies are 18 months old and she was feeling frustrated with her fitness goal progress. My body has been on a long journey for five years and just recently I am hitting my strength goals that I set for myself when my twins began to crawl.
Before becoming pregnant with twins I had no idea how complex the science behind twins is. I thought there were only two categories: identical or fraternal. I also thought like many people, that twins were mostly the result of genetics or that they run in families. So, as you can imagine that when I found out I was having twins and that there were different categories of twins my mind was blown.
At 12 weeks pregnant I was told, to my great surprise that I was pregnant with not one but two babies. You can read about my reaction here. When the ultrasound technician told me that I was carrying Di-Di twins, I looked at her like she had two heads. She quickly explained to me that both babies had their own sacs and placenta and that they were the “lowest risk” type of twin pregnancy because they do not have to share anything. She explained that there were likely fraternal – meaning that two separate eggs had been fertilized which resulted in my carrying two babies at the same time, also known as Dizygotic twins.
I went home and quickly looked up Di-Di twins, technically known as Dichorionic Diamniotic to discover that these are the most common type of twin pregnancies with the least amount of complications. I also assumed from my limited research that it meant I was having fraternal twins.
Twins at 3 months
Fast forward five months later when I gave birth to both boys. In the midst of the chaos I remember my husband asking the doctor who delivered the babies if they were identical or fraternal twins. The doctor stated that they were not identical as they had both their own placentas and sacs. At his word and what I had read about Di-Di twins I blindly assumed that I had given birth to fraternal twin boys. I also never questioned it because as young infants they looked quite different to my husband and me.
Twins at 4 months old
It wasn’t until the boys hit the 4 month mark I started to notice that they were really looking alike. Everywhere we went people assumed they were identical and we were beginning to mix them up once and a while. I was on a Facebook Twin Group where moms were posting pictures of their twins and others had to guess whether they were identical or fraternal. When I posted a picture of the boys every comment was that they were identical. I immediately started looking into whether or not my not-so-different twin boys could possibly be sharing the same DNA. I had heard about companies that tested twins DNA, known as a twin zygosity test to determine whether your twins are identical or fraternal. I ordered the test where I easily provided a few swabs from the inside of each boy’s mouth and awaited the results. After a couple weeks the tests came back that indeed the twins shared the same DNA thus making them identical.
Twins at one year old
I was happy to have some answers but I was still confused as to why both the ultrasound tech and the doctor had assumed that the twins were fraternal. I found out that identical twins occur in approximately 25% of Di-Di twin pregnancies. However, I was never told this and as time has gone on I have realized many people are being misinformed of what type of twins they may have.
A 2012 British study found many parents may be misinformed by parental scans. Researchers interviewed 1,302 parents of same-sex twins who had been told by health care professionals whether their children were fraternal or identical. With DNA analysis, researchers found 14.7 per cent of families tested were wrong about their babies. Nearly 200 parents of identical twins were mistakenly told that their twins were fraternal and 12 parents of fraternal twins were told they were identical.
This whole process has opened my eyes to this complicated world of twins and I hope it may help some other moms who may be learning about their own twin journey as well.
Fallon Melander is a thirty-something wife, reformed lawyer and mother to twins plus one. As a survivor of anxiety and depression, she hopes that by sharing her story she can help to inspire and bring others together.
Bringing home twins was probably one of the most intimidating experiences of my life. Firstly I was terrified of the hormonal and physical toll I was likely to experience. For example, when my daughter was born postpartum knocked me off my feet. From inconsolable crying to torrential night sweats and almost hourly epsom salt baths, I felt like I had been in a traumatic battle. So needless to say I was terrified of the twin postpartum phase and the hormonal changes times two.
Secondly, I was petrified of bringing home and caring for two tiny babies and one needy toddler. I imagined so many scenarios that ended in me locking myself in the bathroom or taking off down the street half dressed and hysterical. Luckily for me, my imagination made things out to be a lot worse than it was. Do not get me wrong it was a difficult transition, and there were many moments where it was overwhelming and I was on the verge of hysterics. However, as a second time mom I knew what was likely coming my way and this time I was ready for all the ups and downs of postpartum and was well equipped.. The following list I would like to think is what made those first few months tolerable at their worst, and may I dare say wonderful at its best. I am hoping other moms-to-be, twin moms or not will find this list helpful to them as well.
Mom Friends: someone who you can turn to, who at that exact moment is also experiencing what you are as well. For me it was a neighbour whose son was born two weeks after the twins. We quickly bonded over life as second time moms. From weekly walks to long coffee chats she was my life line during those precious and sleep deprived months. I was fortunate that I didn’t have to look far for a mom pal, but I definitely suggest connecting with other moms through facebook groups, local early years centres or even through apps that are available specifically to connect moms.
Smash + Tess Rompers: I lived in these! So comfortable, flattering, loose in all the right places, perfect for breastfeeding and dare I say pretty cute too. The last thing I wanted to think about postpartum was what I was going to wear. Being able to pull this romper out and put it on within seconds made it a huge win in my books.
Native Deodorant: as I mentioned above, postpartum sweat is real, and so is postpartum smell! For me this deodorant not only worked amazingly well, but it also is aluminum free, cruelty free and paraben free, so I felt safe wearing it around the little ones
Sleep Consultant: this is probably my number one recommendation for twin moms-to be. When I found out I was expecting twins I connected with another twin mom who just had twin boys. She recommended a sleep consultant that she had hired who not only assisted with forming a sleep plan for twins, but also provided overnight sleep support – aka stayed up all night with the babies while you and your spouse slept! Obviously this is not an affordable option for everyone, but for us it was life changing. As you can imagine as a pumping mom I was functioning on very little sleep, as was my husband who was up every few hours feeding one of the twins as well. The ability to have a trusted person in our home looking after and feeding our twins twice a week allowed us to recharge and emerge as functional human beings again.
Swaddle and Sound Machine: these were both life savers for us in ensuring our twins fell asleep and stayed asleep, and were recommended by our sleep consultant. With my first child, who hated being swaddled we used terrible velcro swaddles that she would always manage to break out of. We also gave up so easily on swaddling her because she would protest. We also had a sound machine that would turn off just as she was entering into her next sleep cycle, and would wake up. To remedy this with our twins we used the “Swaddle Up” zip up swaddle and used an inexpensive sound machine with a continuous play function we bought on Amazon.
Snap n Go Double Stroller: I used this baby until the bitter end, when I literally thought it was going to collapse under the weight of the twins. Although this stroller is not the easiest to maneuver and I would not recommend taking it for long trail walks, it was amazing for quick trips into the mall or grocery store. Being able to keep the babies in their infant car seats while quickly snapping them in was invaluable. A bonus, I was able to score one from a second-hand store and definitely got my money’s worth.
Swing and Bouncy Seat: having numerous places to put the twins down was essential, especially when I was solo. From swings, bouncy seats, baby loungers, rockers, you name it we had it at some point. Every baby is different and instead of buying two of everything I bought a few things and then assessed whether it was worth it to buy a second. My house often looked like a baby amusement park at this stage.
Homemade Frozen Meals: easy, delicious and fast. That is all you need when you are home, exhausted and hungry! I enlisted my mom to make a bunch of healthy meals that we could freeze and eat without worry.
Diaper Stockpile: especially for twins, you will not believe how many diapers you will go through. Disposable or reusable, stock up in advance! Our family threw us a diaper party and the amount of time and money we saved was such a gift.
Couch: This was a tip that I learned from the Nesting Story blog and probably one of my favourite nursery design decisions ever. I initially intended on purchasing an oversized glider for the twins room but quickly decided that even though it would allow me to sit with both twins, my husband would have no place to sit. Nesting Story showed me how a loveseat sized couch was perfect for not only allowing two people to sit and feed the babies, but also allows a place for one baby to lie down (supervised and within reach) while feeding the other baby. The couch is still used today by us to cuddle, read stories and lounge on while watching the twins play.
Honourable Mentions: good quality double breast pump, tons of activities to keep any older siblings busy, dry shampoo (this is how I often “washed” my hair), adult diapers for those post-birth days/weeks, and a huge water bottle – stay hydrated and combat all the water loss.
Fallon Melander is a thirty-something wife, reformed lawyer and mother to twins plus one. As a survivor of anxiety and depression, she hopes that by sharing her story she can help to inspire and bring others together.
I never expected to be a mother to twins. Twin boys even less so. Yes, they run in my family. But after two singleton pregnancies, it had fallen off of my radar.
Twins seemed to amplify everything – pregnancy became high risk, followed by a scary hospital stay and preterm delivery. Caring for premature twins – the first year we were followed so closely by a medical team, everything was much more medicalized and full of questions and protocol. It wasn’t until their 4th birthday, when we were officially discharged, that we started to feel like we “got through it”, the hardest part was over.
Except that it isn’t really over. Old challenges appear to be continually replaced by new ones. And one of those new ones came in the form of Kindergarten Registration.
Like most parents, I had done my research. I spent time researching area-schools, even reaching out and asking questions. At the end of it all, they had one question for me – “same class or different classes?” that left me thinking.
If you happen to be trying to make a similar decision, here are 4 things that dictated our decision-making…
1. Independent or Dependent?
That unique connection shared by twins can create an extra level of support in the classroom enviable by most. But, if this sibling support prevents our kids from being able to navigate their day at school independently or prevents our kids from establishing peer relationships with children other than their sibling, we may want to rethink it.
2. Sibling Rivalry
In this age of parenting we are slowly reintroducing the idea of “friendly competition”. We know that our kids have their own unique set of strengths – but it’s oh so easy to keep comparing our twins. Even more, how do we navigate this as they begin to notice disparities between themselves? Do they raise each other up or fight for the top? If one twin seems to always be struggling to keep up with the other, it may be worth looking into separating them.
3. For Your Convenience
Think about your family dynamic for a second. It’s not hard to find families with two working parents, siblings to think about, meals to plan and extracurriculars to attend. Making ourselves available to have the relationship with our kids school that we want to have – sometimes the convenience of having one teacher, with one newsletter and one set of field trip dates to keep track of, is enough of a win to keep your twins together.
4. Extraneous Circumstances
Sometimes it’s not about what is happening inside the classroom at all. If they are going through any kind of transition – like moving to a new home, navigating divorce, experiencing grief/loss – then it may be worth thinking about whether or not having them undergo the stress of being separated as a necessary one.
We’ve ultimately decided to keep our twins together for their kindergarten year. But this decision, but that’s just what will work best for our family this year. We’ve transitioned to a new city, and as our boys attended the same preschool class, it was clear that their interests couldn’t be more different, resulting in different peer groups for the two.
Still not sure? The way our kids act at home isn’t necessarily how they are going to act at school. Do they attend daycare or preschool? Speak to someone who has supervised them in an unparented capacity, they will have some good insights into how they will behave in a classroom setting.
Keep an open mind and speak up, having open and ongoing communication with your school and kindergarten classroom teacher will ultimately be the best approach. Know that your decision doesn’t have to be the ultimate one. Decisions CAN change and so will your kids – what works this year may not work for next year.
A pro/con list will always be my favourite pathway towards a decision. Sit down with your thoughts and maybe take a deep breath or two, as the next challenge waits for us just around the corner.
Lindsay Fricker is a mom of four – two plus twins. Kindergarten teacher by day, Lindsay enjoys helping others find ways to navigate the ugly parts of parenting, while keeping their sanity and positively supporting their children. You can read more from Lindsay here or follow her on Instagram @serendipity.six.
