four kids Archives - Page 7 of 8

Remembering The Forgotten Middle Child

As we sat waiting for my niece’s first communion to start, I watched as Beau, our five-year-old, middle child squirmed in her seat. We had opted to have a babysitter watch our twin toddlers that day since this event was during their nap time. It was rare that I was out with Beau and her older brother Holden, without having to fuss over their younger sisters.

I reached over, picked Beau up, and placed her on my lap. She immediately cuddled into me as I softly kissed her forehead, rubbed her back and played with her hair.

We sat like this for a while, uninterrupted. She had my undivided attention, which was something she almost never gets.

Instead of complaining about how long the ceremony was, or racing around and then melting down like she usually would, she sat so still. Her breathing matched mine, and I could feel her lapping up every second of attention and affection.

Although this moment melted my heart, it also made me so sad.

Having four kids is so wonderful in more ways than I can count. But there is a lot of jugging involved. I do my best to spend time with each child and fit in as much one-on-one time as possible. But unfortunately Beau is the forgotten child.

Beau was a surprise. Before Holden turned one, we had been discussing when we might have our second, only to find out a day after Holden’s birthday that the decision was made for us.

As my belly grew, issues with Holden started cropping up. He was having a very hard time enjoying life, and had a glaring language delay that we had to address.

My pregnancy with Beau was a blur. I only can recall a few moments, and Mike maybe felt her kick once, because we were so preoccupied with Holden.

The day Beau was born is a vivid memory. One that I will cherish for the rest of my life. It’s not the easy labour, or delivery that has taken up a large space in my heart. It is after Mike left to be with Holden and for what seemed like endless blissful hours without any visitors, I held Beau and just enjoyed my girl.

That day in the church with Beau resting her head on my chest reminded me so much of that first day together in the hospital. I just enjoyed my girl.

Beau was always great at entertaining herself, fiercely independent and ready to go with the flow. From a young age we relied on her tough-as-nails personality and ability to adapt, as we focused on guiding Holden out of the dark.

When Beau was 11-months-old, she had the flu. Although she had been sick multiples times in one day, she didn’t seem too bothered by it. She had a placid look in her eyes, and although I was aware she was ill, I didnt think it was anything urgent. So, we went on as usual.

As the day came to a close, I stopped in my tracks, realizing that Beau hadn’t had a wet diaper all day.

I rushed her to the hospital, and sure enough, Beau was very dehydrated and needed IV fluids. Even as a team of doctors poked Beau for two hours, trying to find a vein, she barely whimpered.

My heart broke for my little girl. I kept thinking, “if only she had complained.” From that day on, whenever I see that placid look in Beau’s eyes, I know to monitor her closely, otherwise she will fly under my radar.

Beau growing up so far is a blur to me. At least up to when our twins were born, when Beau was three-and-a-half. That is when she found her voice, and started to make sure she was heard.

That voice, has many times brought me to my knees. She can drive me crazy, be so stubborn, and is easily the loudest person in our house.

It took her a little while, but she is now carving out her place in the world (and this family) in a big way.

Although she can be trying sometimes, I am grateful that she has become such a force. It’s not easy being the middle child. I know. I was her too.

For a long time, I always compromised, apologized, kept the peace and flew under the radar.

I applaud Beau for insisting the sky is green when we tell her it’s blue. For turning up her volume when we ask her to take it down a notch. And for being the pack leader among all four of our kids.

The days following our lengthly cuddle, I noticed a shift. Beau was still loud, and still leading the pack, but her meltdowns were almost non-existent. Her emotions didn’t always resemble a rollercoaster, and a calm confidence started to emerge.

Since that day, I am remembering the forgotten child. I am not only relying on our occasional one-on-one time together, or our bedtime routine to connect. I am grabbing her as she bounces by, multiple times each day, and sitting her on my lap, as I softly kiss her forehead, rub her back and play with her hair.

Watch as Beau has found her place….

Maybe This Is The Easy Part

Sometimes as parents we are so focused on the future, that we can’t wait to get out of this stage, or age with our kids. So much so, that we don’t see the good parts going on right now.

Recently, my older brother and my three-year-old nephew visited us from out of province. My nephew has not been the easiest child. He is this unique hybrid, of brilliant and heart melting, yet full of intense energy and like most three year olds, he is run by his emotions. I could see in my brother’s face, that parenthood was taking it’s toll, and not at all what he had pictured.

I am the more seasoned parent between us, having four kids under my belt, while he has two.

Like I had always done in the past, I started to launch into my long list of complaints and hardships that I was going through with my kids. I used to do this so that he knew that he is not alone and that we all go through it with our kids.

Suddenly, I stopped babbling, realizing I was talking about issues that we were problem solving months ago.

Did I even have a crisis going on right now? Oh yeah, my five-year-old daughter won’t stop talking in third person. It can drive me up the wall, and I am pretty sure she know it pushes my buttons, but really? I was reaching.

After years of language delays and childhood anxiety with my older kids, then the chaos of having twins, we were actually… dare I say it… going through an easy phase.

I, like most parents, am so caught up in my to-do lists and so focused on what isn’t going right, that I often miss what is.

My husband and I will often fantasize about the day that we can all go to a restaurant without a sippy cup being whipped across the table, or being able to get projects done around our home, while all four of our kids play happily, without requiring supervision.

But maybe this too, right now, is the easy part?

So what if most of our cupboards and closets in our home are a disaster, or that my car needs a tune up, or that some days my kids forget to brush their teeth, and I am too exhausted to get on their case about it.

Ya, we’ve got kids in diapers, and it is nearly impossible to go out with all four kids without someone having an epic meltdown. But the older our kids get will also bring its own set of challenges.

In this moment everyone is happy. Everyone is healthy. We have some semblance of a routine going on.

Sure, fights between kids break out, and our twins are approaching the terrible-twos, complete with hitting and biting. But we deal with it in the moment and move on.

Chances are, next week a cold or flu will hit our home and my husband and I will be launched back into that pressure cooker situation we know all too well, when we are cleaning up vomit, or consoling a screaming child during the night. It has been a couple of weeks after all, which means we are due.

As I look around my home, with clutter piling up on our counter, countless things that need repair and dishes sitting in my sink, I think to myself, the to-do list will always be there. It will never be finished. My kids will always find a way to drive me crazy and push my buttons.

This is the easy part. It’s the moments in between illness. It’s the moments between those problems I can’t solve on my own. It’s the moments between those inevitable stressful times, every parent goes through, that tests your marriage, your patience and your strength.

The easy part isn’t perfect, tear free, or sterile. It’s laughter, it’s learning, it’s cuddles, it’s teaching moments, it’s the small triumphs.

It’s parenthood.

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I Lost ALL Of The Baby Weight After Having My Twins – This Is My Journey

Note: I have not been sponsored by any diet, fitness or lifestyle program. As always, all opinions are my own. On the day I came home from the hospital, the curiosity was killing me… how much weight had I lost now that two human beings had exited my body? They each weighed 6 pounds, so, I figured, maybe I had lost 12 pounds, or even more because you have to count the amniotic fluid and placentas. I hopped on the scale and was devastated. I had only lost 3 pounds.

Weight = 193 lbs, Height = 5’2″.

I looked down at my massive swollen feet, and the logical side of my brain told me that I was retaining a lot of water and needed to be patient. I had been through this twice before after giving birth to my older kids. But come on, two freaking people, it didn’t seem fair.

I picked myself up and switched my focus to what was most important: caring for my four kids, healing from my C-section and basically surviving.

In-fact, I was able to shove the weight thing out of my mind for the next couple of months. I had more pressing things to focus on.

By the two-month point, I was ready to shift a percentage of my daily energy (which was quickly depleted each day), to myself.

“Here we go Joanna, let’s do this.” I thought.

I had lost baby weight before. In fact, after having each my son, and then my daughter, I was able to get my weight down within my happy weight range. But not only had I gained a little more weight than my previous pregnancies, my body had also been through a violent war.

When growing two humans, it is very important to gain the required weight. It is actually a bizarre feeling to be going to the doctors and finding out that your small efforts in weight gain weren’t enough. I needed to head home and focus on consuming MORE calories. So I did it. I gained the necessary weight, stayed off of my feet and ended up carrying my babies to term.

2 Months Postpartum

When it was time to finally get moving and change my eating habits, I decided that joining a program would help me start my journey on the right foot. In the past, I had always done Weight Watchers to get my portions under control, after being pregnant.

This was the perfect fit for me at the time. My older kids were in school and my babies were little enough that they would happily stay in their stroller while I went to meetings. I was even able to find the time to prepare nutritious meals. I watched the weight roll off for the next three months, while enjoying the social aspect of the Weight Watchers meetings.

By five months, I was ready to take over myself. I ate clean, healthy meals and started to incorporate a lot of exercise into my daily routine. I would wake up before everyone else, and do some strength training, before getting on with my day.

7 Months Postpartum

Once I was seven months postpartum, I was thrilled! I was only 10 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight. Not only was I feeling stronger, my old clothes were starting to fit again. I was watching my bruised, battered and swollen body come back, and I was really pumped with my progress.

I shared my new point of view with the world and celebrated the amazing things a woman’s body could do.

But little did I know that I was heading into a one-year weight plateau….

I started to play little mind tricks with myself, like, you’ve gotten this far, you can take days (or weeks) off of exercise. Or after an exhausting day of building my business, while giving enough attention to my family, I would “reward” myself by gorging on unhealthy, or ridiculous portions.

Every once and a while I would find my rhythm and work at getting a few more pounds off, but despite making “losing the last ten pounds” my number one goal, I would continue to self-sabotage.

Then, at around 17-months postpartum, I made the conscious decision to relax. I embraced my body again, and be proud at how far I had come. It was this amazing machine that had created my children, and if I wanted to wear a bikini, (or whatever outfit), I would, and feel good too!

While away on vacation, and taking some time off of worrying about my weight, it struck me, I was TOO focused on losing the weight. Losing those last ten pounds was completely mental.

It was from that point on that I made the decision to start focusing on other aspects of my life, and for once, NOT make losing weight my New Years resolution.

A month ago, I was chugging along, doing the mom thing, as well as constantly switching to my entrepreneur hat, when I realized that I was a little too relaxed. I was eating whatever I could grab out of convenience and watching the weight pile on.

I didn’t have time at the moment, with everything on my plate, to put extra effort into my meals, so my husband, Mike, suggested I go on Jenny Craig. His co-worker was having lots of success from the program, and he thought it would be the perfect fit.

So, I did! It was the perfect answer to my problem. I was still able to get on with my day, without obsessing about my weight, or worrying about cooking meals, (you purchase their frozen meals) other than making salads.

I found myself effortlessly losing weight, while still focusing on my kids and my work. It has been so great, in fact, that Mike is doing jenny Craig too!

Current weight 129 lbs, total weight lost = 64 lbs.

Looking back on my journey, I wouldn’t say there there was one specific thing that helped me drop the baby weight after my twins. I needed all of those different chapters to get to where I am. I especially needed those lulls, and breaks to get my head in the right space for the final stretch.

My journey is not over. I cannot wait to gain back the strength I lost, while creating my four children. I have to find a new sweet spot, that is my body after kids and I am sure that I will always be having to work against that little voice in my head that says go ahead, you deserve it after those particularly stressful days.

This is my last week on Jenny Craig, and I am actually really excited about cooking my own meals, and applying what I have learned to everyday life. Don’t worry, I will be sharing all of that with you.

In the video below I am not only talking about my exciting weight loss, but I am also getting very real, showing you a close-up of my “twin skin” left over from my twin pregnancy.

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What’s In A Name? The Story Behind Holden, Beau, Mia And Everly’s Names

Choosing a name for your baby is hard. In fact, its a HUGE responsibility, and you basically need to nail it, or else your child is screwed. No pressure though.

A few days ago, I got a message from a reader asking me if I could share the stories behind each of our kids’ names…

“Could you do a post on how you decided on your kids names? They are all so unique and different that I thought it would be fun to hear where you got them from.” -Danielle

I loved this idea! I really do have some great stories behind each of our kids’ names too. So grab your popcorn.Let’s start at the beginning. Holden.I remember being around 20 months pregnant, sitting in Florida with Mike and family, and flipping through baby name books. It was eventually Mike that came across the name Holden. We had only ever heard “Holden” from the famous book, The Catcher in the Rye. But something about that name stuck.

We were having a hard time deciding between the names Holden and Hayden. We loved both. But it was a co-worker of Mike’s that posed this question: “what if he becomes CEO of a company one day, what name would suit that kind of position of power?” Easy, Holden.

Holden’s name suits him so well. To me, Holden is a strong, serious name, which is a perfect fit for our sweet little rule-follower.

Full name: Holden Michael Venditti

Next in line… Beau.Beau’s name was one that we had ready to go if we were having a girl. I have this tiny obsession with the movie Signs. You know, the one where Aliens invade the planet, but the focus of the movie is on a family living on a farm? The little girl’s name in it is Bo. I absolutely loved that name since the first time I watched Signs.

The only problem was the spelling. The female spelling of Beau is actually Bo, like Bo Derek. But we were worried that Beau would get teased at school and be called B.O. – body odour. So, last minute we made the decision to change the spelling to the male version, Beau.

Beau completely suits her name. The only problem is, anytime her name is called from a list, like at a doctor’s office, they think she is a boy. Oh well. You can’t win them all.

Full name: Beau Bianca Venditti

Then came the daunting task of naming two people at once. Twins.

Shhhhh, Mia and Everly and pretending to sleep in this photo. Pretty convincing, right?

When I was first pregnant with our twins, I was absolutely convinced I was having two boys. So, we went ahead and picked out two boy names: Sawyer (from Lost) and Landon (from A Walk to Remember).

We were completely shocked when we found out that we were having two girls. I could think of lots of girls names I loved. Daisy, Ella, Mila and Maisy, just to name a few. But Mike kept vetoing every one of them. Mike found it so hard naming our girls.

Then I got really stuck on the name Ever. I loved the simplicity of it. But Mike still wasn’t sold. It was when I heard that Channing Tatum mmmmmm…. and Jenna Dewan Tatum named their daughter Everly, that I knew that we had found our name. It was such a beautiful name. Mike was sold immediately although I initially thought I would shorten it to Ever, I never have.

Everly

Full name: Everly Mae Venditti

For a long time we thought that the two names would be Everly and Ellie. Have you seen the movie Up? That’s where we got the name Ellie from. But the more we thought about it, the more we wanted them to have very different names.

So, we threw around Mila for a bit, but then we read Mia in a baby name book and it stuck, (this was just before the name Mia exploded in popularity). Mia was simple, (which we love), and pretty.

Mia

Full name: Mia Lilian Venditti

How did we decide who got which name? When I was late in my twin pregnancy and we had FINALLY settled on our names, we let Holden decided who would get what name. So, he turned to my belly, and first pointed to the bottom, which he knew was where baby A was, and said “this is Mia.” Then he pointed to my top left, where baby B was camping out in my ribs, and said “and this is Everly.”

So when they were born, and the doctor held the first baby up, we said “that’s Mia” and when the second baby was held up we said “and that’s Everly.”

They each really suit their names perfectly. Good job Holden.

We overall opted for somewhat unique names, and we will probably never find personalized water bottles, or key chains with their names on them, (well, maybe Mia). But we love how unique they are, and fingers crossed, we are pretty sure we nailed the whole naming people thing.

The New Way I Am Approaching Weight Loss And Loving My Body

2015 was a year I not only got to know my body after four kids (including twins), but love and appreciate it’s new curves and past accomplishments. I knew that I wasn’t completely done my weight loss and strengthening journey, and always kept my weight at the top of my to-do list.

I would tend to deprive myself of foods I really loved, or activities I wanted to participate in because I hadn’t “hit my goal yet.”

But, while away on vacation, something within me shifted. I thought, “screw it, I am going to treat myself occasionally, strut around the beach in a bikini and LIVE.”

I had fun with my kids and enjoyed an occasional dessert. At one point I did have to reel it in, and I ditched my Florida vice: cereal.

Fact: Did you know that American Corn Pops are completely different than Canadian (where I live) Corn Pops? I have to give the U.S. this one, because your Corn Pops are WAY better. Also, Cracklin’ Oat Bran is not sold in Canada… the more you know!

But something really interesting happened. I stopped stress eating. I was feeling happy and satisfied, and not feeling like I wanted to binge eat and watch T.V. while my kids napped.

When I got home I decided to weigh myself, preparing for a five pound weight gain. I hadn’t kept up with my 20 minute workouts during my three-week vacation, so I knew I had done some damage.

My jaw dropped when I realized I had only gained one pound!

This has completely changed my way of thinking about my weight, and how I am going to approach my lifestyle this year. Instead of making losing weight my number one goal for 2016, like it is EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR. What if I make happiness, living, thriving and laughing at the top of my list?

I will be resuming my 20 minute workouts this week, but I will make sure they are fun, and enjoyable. I will carve out more time for things I enjoy and moments of relaxation, so I don’t burn myself out and end up comfort-eating.

Maybe having “lose those last ten pounds” as my New Year’s resolution, does more damage than good? Maybe that’s too much pressure, and it is setting myself up to fail?

Okay 2016, I am ready to LIVE!

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