twin mom Archives - Page 2 of 4

Was I Being “Body Positive” Or Destroying My Health?

I love my body. I love that it has carried four babies, two of them being twins. I love that it has birthed my children. I love that it has … Continue reading “Was I Being “Body Positive” Or Destroying My Health?”

I love my body. I love that it has carried four babies, two of them being twins. I love that it has birthed my children. I love that it has scars and stretch marks and dimples. It has many and it is the road map of my life. When you really think about it, a woman’s body is incredible and can do incredible things.

But lately… lately I have been letting it down.

Before twins I always had a negative relationship with my body. I got angry when it wouldn’t shed pounds. I covered it up because to me it wasn’t ideal. I starved it and overtrained it and cursed it when it didn’t perform.

During my twin pregnancy everything was stripped away, and my one job was to grow and incubate my babies. I felt my body stretch, my hips seperate, and my heart race. But despite the pain my girls thrived. My body did it’s job.

During those days as I lay on the sofa with a pillow between my knees I made myself a promise. I promised to thank it. I promised to care for it and treat it the way it deserved. That meant losing the weight I purposely put on during my pregnancy, feeding it the right foods and strengthening it. But above all, I would rehabilitate my body with love.

I did. I followed through with my promise. It was a journey but I kept my promise.

You can read about my body after babies journey in my popular blog post: What Having Four Kids (Including Twins) Has Done To My Body and My Confidence.

At least until last year.

Last year I had a couple of life events that shook me. I was stressed and started to reach for food as comfort. I overate at every meal and every snack. I gave myself constant stomach aches, (which is really risky for me because in the previous year I suffered from Diverticulitis), but in the moment while I ate I felt numb and numb felt good.

Besides, a trend was building that was telling me that curvy was good. That adding on some extra weight and embracing it was actually the kind thing to do for my body. Or at least, that was how I was interpreting it.

But I didn’t feel good.

So I’d try to be mindful of my portions and ramp up my exercise and then it would fall apart.

I began posting on Instagram, along with almost everyone else, photos of my curvier body and how I was embracing my curves and buying new clothes to fit the new me.

But I didn’t feel good.

I was out of breath, was getting light-headed often, I had a sore back, and felt lethargic. So I’d try again with a new goal of caring for my body better, (which for my small 5’2″ frame meant shedding some of those pounds), and I shared this goal of health online. The response? Some positive, but I also received some blowback because the goal I was after wasn’t popular. This threw me and once again, and I stopped.

Was it guilt that I felt? I’m not sure, but I felt like I was doing something wrong.

But I didn’t feel good.

In January I turned 36, and I started to notice my body felt stiff. Really stiff. I initially joked that it was just my age, but 36? Really?

So, a few weeks ago I decided to be really honest with myself and step on a scale. Yes, a scale, which in my opinion, can be a great tool for some if used properly. My jaw dropped. I couldn’t believe what I had done to myself. What about the promise?

Enough was enough. It was time to make positive changes for my health and make sure I protected what I knew was right. I went through my social media and unfollowed anyone who I felt was making me second guess my goal. It wasn’t anyone else’s fault that I had lost sight of my goal of health, but it was making me second guess myself.

I’ve made sure that what I was doing to move more was on my terms and left me feeling satisfied and proud. I am working out every morning. Sometimes it’s ten minutes of stretches and abs. Other days I hop on my treadmill and run while watching Netflix.

I am taking my time to pre-cook my meals days in advance, and slow down and enjoy every bite and today my gut health is better than ever. Don’t worry, I am enjoying indulging on our weekly date night and here and there. But not everyday.

Today I am choosing love. I am choosing health.

I have lost seven pounds, and plan to shed more.

I’m happy and I feel good. I’m climbing the stairs without getting winded and my body feels more flexible.

I think some really great things are coming out of the current body positivity movement. But somehow along the way balance was lost and a bizarre version of reverse body-shaming has begun. I fell victim to this trend and I am 36.

I worry about my three daughters entering a world where the conversation is so one-sided. I want them to love their body at all stages of their life. I want them to know that we are all different and our relationship with our bodies is a personal one.

I want them to treat their bodies the way they deserve to be treated. I want the goal of health to be important to them.

You can be curvy and be healthy. You can love yourself and still chase a goal.

Body positivity should be a movement based on knowing yourself, accepting other people’s choices and cheering each other on. Body positivity should be about listening to your body and knowing when it is in a season of grief, healing, growing another life, rehabilitation or renewal. Body positivity should be about knowing the difference between embracing health and settling into a body that may not be thriving.

Above all, body positivity should be about supporting each other, knowing that what may work for one person may not work for another. That one person may need a strategy or a diet to battle inflammation or digestive issues, and that a scale can be a great tool for one person, but a torment for another. Body positivity should be about erasing judgement and saying I support you and your journey towards health.

I am choosing what’s right for me. I am choosing to chase health, and happiness.

I will be documenting my journey on Instagram and I’d like you to join the conversation and follow along there.

My friend Ana at Bluebird Kisses has also written an article on this topic. I’d love for you to weigh in and let me know what you think about this current trend.

How I took my body back after having four kids – every single secret to losing weight and loving my body

Have you ever felt like you have no control over your body? Ever since I can remember, I was always the chubby member of my family. It saddens me to reflect on how much I obsessed about my weight, even as a child.

My body was always my enemy. Even as I grew into an adult, occasionally stuck to a diet and lost some weight, I was always experiencing inner turmoil with my body. So, I abused it, made fun of it to my friends, and cursed it under my breath.

I get a pit in the bottom of my stomach just acknowledging that I had these kinds of feelings for thirty years of my life. It sickens me.

But nothing made me feel more out of control with my body than pregnancies. My body was in charge and I was a passenger.

It took me three pregnancies, the final one being a strenuous twin pregnancy to change my relationship with my body. It was that last pregnancy that shocked not just my body, but my mind and my heart so deeply, that it set me on a different course.

I have not only lost the 70 pounds since my twin pregnancy, but I’ve kept it off. Although I am not a fan of focusing on the number, (in fact I don’t even have a working scale right now and quite like it that way), but those extra 70 pounds on my 5’2″ frame were causing health issues, pain and depression. So yes, my journey to self-love through self-care has involved weight-loss.

I have for so long wanted to bottle my secrets and lessons as best I can to pass them on. To pass them on to a younger me. To pass them on to that girl who didn’t know how to not only be in control of her own body, but truly love and appreciate it. To that new mom that doesn’t even recognize her own body.

What actually has been my secret to not only losing the baby weight, but keeping it off? Well, the secret is years in the making. It’s not just a magic diet, or an intense workout routine, but so much more. It’s so much more that no one ever tells you. But I truly believe, without hesitation, that these tips can help anyone who is struggling with their weight.

Let’s rewind to the beginning, shall we?

The day I came home with my twins.

On the day I came home from the hospital after having my twins, the curiosity was killing me… how much weight had I lost now that two human beings had exited my body? They each weighed 6 pounds, so, I figured, maybe I had lost 12 pounds, or even more because you have to count the amniotic fluid and placentas. I hopped on the scale and was devastated. I had only lost 3 pounds.

I looked down at my massive swollen feet, and the logical side of my brain told me that I was retaining a lot of water and needed to be patient. I had been through this twice before after giving birth to my older kids. But come on, two freaking people, it didn’t seem fair.

As I looked down at my body, I didn’t recognize it. It was bruised and mushy. I had swelled to a weight that I didn’t think my 5’2″ frame was capable of.

I picked myself up and switched my focus to what was most important: caring for my four kids, healing from my C-section and basically surviving our family’s new dynamic.

Year one

The time had come. I was given the go ahead from my doctor to slowly start exercising. This is it. This is the moment I had been waiting for. I had been dreaming about taking my body back since I spent day after day, on my sofa, with a pillow between my knees, growing babies.

At first my progress was slow. Keep in mind I was trying to care for four kids as well as myself. It was so difficult to carve out any “me” time. It wasn’t until I began waking up before anyone in our family each morning to exercise. That’s when everything began to fall into place.

I made time. I stopped waiting for time to find me and I made sure that I carved out time for exercise.

I began to love and appreciate my body. I have struggled with my weight since I was a child. Anytime I would make some strides with my weight-loss and strengthening goals, it came from an angry place where I felt I had to punish my body. Having twins was finally the event that changed the way I looked at my body. It has done incredible things and it was to be celebrated and cared for.

I was focused on my goals. Losing the baby weight was my number one goal. I planned to eat healthy foods, indulge here and there and not beat myself up about it. I also wanted to get in shape again, especially knowing I was finished having children. I would take my time. But this time it was different. I had simple goals that were for me and no one else. I wanted to be strong. I was over hurting my back when I pick up a baby. I want to be flexible. No more pulling my neck while reaching for a pacifier that had fallen under a crib. I wanted to go to my closet and feel good in whatever I put on. No more pulling at waistlines and being limited to leggings.

Year two

Little did I know that I was heading into a one-year weight plateau….

I started to play little mind tricks with myself, like, you’ve got this far, you can take days (or weeks) off of exercise. Or after an exhausting day of building my business, while giving enough attention to my family, I would “reward” myself by gorging on unhealthy, or ridiculous portions.

Every once and a while I would find my rhythm and work at getting a few more pounds off, but despite making “losing the last ten pounds” my number one goal, I would continue to self-sabotage.

Then, at around 17-months postpartum, I made the conscious decision to relax. I embraced my body again, and was proud of how far I had come.

This was also the year that I was starting to hit on something that would again pop up in year five. I realized that I needed to experience more joy and laugh more. But more about that later.

I switched my focus of weight-loss. I stopped making “weight loss” my New Year’s resolution. Maybe having “lose those last ten pounds” as my New Year’s resolution, did more damage than good? Maybe that’s too much pressure, and I was setting myself up to fail?

I rewired my brain. I also started to realize how much I was stress eating and began my journey of rewiring my brain to stop thinking, “you deserve this,” and instead think, “this won’t fix your problem.”

I began to see my body’s purpose and know it’s power. I knew that the war my body had been through was it’s own and couldn’t be compared to other bodies. I had no intentions of erasing my journey, just rehabilitating the body that brought my kids into this world.

Year three

As year three began, I started to feel ready to go after a new goal… strength. But every time I tried to get myself into a rhythm with exercise, or healthier eating habits, I would get in my head again and self sabotage.

I began to dive deeper into reasons why I was self-sabotaging, which ended up going way back to some injuries and illnesses I experienced as a child and I stopped seeing myself as broken, and realized that I was self-sabotaging out of fear.

After this important realization, I told myself “I’m not broken, I’ve just been scared.” It was time to let that fear help propel me forward so that I can reach my goals, drop the excuses, be secure within my success and know that wanting to reach the finish line is not selfish, it’s self-love.

I got help. Sometimes going it alone isn’t enough, and it’s okay to get some help. First I trained with a personal trainer for three months. This taught me that my body was far from frail, or broken and that I can push it farther without fear. I also signed up for a healthy eating program just long enough to help me understand what size portions I should be consuming, and what times of the day I should be eating.

Year four

Last spring, after a quieter winter, life got busy. I lot of exciting projects came my way, I had a lot of travel, both for work and vacations, and the kids schedules were getting busier.

During that excitement I noticed my energy levels lagging, heart palpitations kept coming and I was often light-headed. I kept putting it off and finally I went to see my doctor when it dawned on me that I hadn’t had a physical in over FOUR YEARS!

Whoops!

My blood work came back showing that my iron levels were in the toilet. So I started to take iron supplements and my energy levels came back.

Just as I was starting to feel like myself again, I had another major setback. By the end of August I started having abdominal pains that were different than any IBS symptom I had experienced in the past. But, typical me… I ignored them.

Well, I ignored them until my husband convinced me to go have them checked out. I was immediately sent to the hospital and was diagnosed with Diverticulitis that day.

This for me has been a big wake-up call. I have been making some huge lifestyle changes including being less busy, moving towards a more minimalist life, having laser focus on work, but not trying to do everything and making more time to cook.

I have also been exploring my health on a deeper level. I have been peeling the onion as to why I am having so many digestive issues and struggling with my energy and using food as fuel instead of comfort.

Really knowing and caring for my body. Being more in tune with my body and making sure that it is better cared for has helped me stick to exercise routines. I now know that there is a handful of foods that I just cannot eat because I have food intolerances that cause excruciating pain. I would have never found these answers if I didn’t keep digging deeper and deeper.

Year five

As the fall approached, some tough stuff came our way, which forced both myself and my husband to self reflect and think about what we really want and what is really important. On the top of my list was to find my joy again. To actually experience life instead of surviving, or controlling life.

I have fun. This year I have been choosing joy and choosing me more. This has included getting a puppy and taking up skiing again. I’ve made caring for my body fun and second nature.

Recently I realized was caring so much for a couple people in my family who were stumbling, and I was working so hard to help them find balance and happiness again, that I began to neglect myself. This formula doesn’t work. I’ve begun to put the oxygen mask on myself first, before anyone else in my life.

I am my first priority. I’ve begun a new journey of self discovery and lifestyle improvement that includes everything from a healthy diet and exercise, to meditation, listening to inspiring audiobooks, massage therapy and doing some things for myself that I’ve wanted to do for a while.

It has taken me a long time to get where I am after having my twins. It has taken a lot of perseverance and hard work. But most of all, it has taken a lot of patience and love for myself.

I knew that post-babies would be a new chapter for my body and that I had to learn how to love my new curves, stretch-marks and dimples.

I have come so far and have been through so much. I have recreated who I see myself as, knowing that although I’ve changed some things, that it doesn’t mean that I have lost the best part of me. This change has come from a place of self care and of giving back to my body after everything it has given and created.

Make time. Love and appreciate your body. Focus on your goals. Try to have goals other than just weight loss. Rewire your brain to break bad habits. Get help. Truly know and care for your body. Have fun. Make yourself your first priority.

The truth is, reaching fitness goals and then maintaining a healthy body is a journey. Use these lessons as a roadmap for you to begin yours and whatever you do, don’t stop. Don’t settle. You deserve this.

Success isn’t perfection. Success is allowing days to slow down. Success is allowing a day to feast with your family. Success is to be at peace with those days and getting back on track the next. Success is embracing your health and knowing deep in your core that you deserve to treat your body like a temple. Success is being able to zoom out and see the big picture, see the humans it’s created, the war its been through and the strives you’ve made.

You can continue to follow my health and fitness journey on Instagram, Facebook and YouTube!

We are NOT ready, but our twins are

Well, it’s happening, and I’m terrified.

Tonight we are shopping for our two-year-old twins’ big girl beds. They will be three in July, and honestly, my husband Mike and I thought we had more time.

You see, we have transitioned two kids to big kid beds before. This isn’t new to us. But two at once? Gulp.

We have always waited until about three months before our childrens’ third birthday to make the big move. This was a decision made when we witnessed a family member’s traumatic transition at a younger age.

So, we had set the month… April. It was supposed to be April. But two things have happened recently that has made it glaringly obvious that it has to be now.

First, Everly, our much taller twin, has escaped from her crib for the second time. This kind of stealth maneuvering never happened with our big kids. But last August, when I was out, Mike heard a loud BANG. He apparently knew right away that Everly had jumped out. Sure enough she did.

We knew we weren’t ready for the big move back then so we installed cameras and had a big talk with Everly to not jump or put her leg up over the side anymore. It worked, she stopped. Until last weekend.

Suddenly during what was supposed to be our twins’ naptime, we heard the door to their nursery open and out struts Everly. Our jaws dropped. We never heard a bang.

She couldn’t have fallen. After some inspection in their room and questioning our mischievous duo, it was clear that she had climbed out, something she must have learned from watching her older siblings climb in and out of their cribs). Also, there was lots of evidence that this escape had happened quite a bit earlier than when she decided to make her exit.

Mia’s crib was filled with items we had not, and would not put in there. I pictured Mia pointing around the room asking Everly to bring her things.

So, there’s that.

But then on Monday this week, Mia woke up screaming. She was convinced that her crib had broken. She kept saying, “my crib’s not working,” over and over again. Finally we were able to understand what her dream was about, but there was no convincing her that it hadn’t broken and that it was okay. She wouldn’t go near her crib that night and spent an almost sleepless night in our bed.

Every night since there has been resistance going to bed, and some tears during the night.

When the big escape happened with Everly, we made the mistake of discussing getting big girl beds in front of our twins, and we haven’t heard the end of it since. I never realized that two-year-olds could master the art of pestering, but they have.

So here we are, about to shop for big girl beds. The honeymoon is over. Maybe it won’t be that bad, but I am preparing myself for the worst.

I will be documenting this process here, on our YouTube channel and on Instastories. It will probably be going down this weekend. So follow along, and maybe say a little prayer for us.

Here we go…

Have you transitioned multiples from cribs to beds? Do you have a story to tell or any helpful tips? Please leave them as a comment below.

I will stop seeing myself as broken and finally see what my body is capable of

This is it. This is the year. I am done hiding behind my kids in photos, and pulling at my clothes as I sit down. I am ready for change. But I know now that I have to change the way I see myself, before any real change can happen.

When I was around my oldest daughter’s age, (so that would be around age six), I had two minor surgeries. Then I jumped into my parents’ pool backwards, smacking my chin, resulting in stitches. The years following I had many bouts of strep throat, tonsillitis, pneumonia and mono. Then at the end of high school came the big finish… a tumour on my thyroid resulting in a complete thyroidectomy.

I know right? I am starting to look a little like a thirty-four-year-old quilt.

I was one of four kids, and can’t imagine the worry all of this would have caused my parents. Now as a mother of four, I know how easily you can start placing your child into a certain description or type, even if you shouldn’t. I was the charismatic, sunny, slightly chubby, bubbly, non-athletic one.

My mom was very quick to let me know that I was beautiful the way I was, that I would always find my place in the world because I was not only smart, but had incredible street-smarts, and to not over-do it. I credit this kind upbringing to my current post-four-babies, (including twins), self-love attitude. I do think I am pretty awesome, despite some scars, stretch marks and cellulite I have collected over the years.

But truth be told, I have played the “broken” card one too many times in my life. After having mono, I was able to negotiate a doctor’s note that exempted me from phys-ed for an entire year. I was a smooth talker, and would turn my fear of letting team members down, into a joke about how I don’t play any sports that involves a ball, or a team.

Ahem… this one is still true and I will stand by it. Basically, the idea of me playing volleyball is my worst nightmare.

But when it came to physical exercise and getting in shape, I would attempt my goal for a short time, and then give up.

Finally, in my second year of collage, after ballooning to an all-time high on the scale, I set my mind to it… I would lose the weight and become the fit person I always wanted to be. Guess what, I did it. I reached my goal. I lost almost 30 pounds and became this badass, strong person that I had never met before.

How did I do it? I did the zone diet, (which Jennifer Aniston made cool at the time), I worked out a lot, (I had lots of free time between classes), and I indoor rock climbed, (one of my favourite non-team/ball sports), with my boyfriend at the time, Mike, (he’s now my husband).

I remember that this time in my life was one of my happiest.

This was following one of the darkest times in my life, after having my thyroid out, my family dog dying, family health scares and not yet finding my path to my future career, I had fallen into a depression, which I eventually pulled myself out of with the help of a therapist.

But now I was soaring. I would sometimes come home from a late night indoor climbing workout, or running faster than I thought was possible on the treadmill and be met by family or friends with comments that I was becoming “too thin,” or “too obsessed.”

These comments slowly wore me down. They took roots inside of me, and began to blossom into feelings of guilt about my progress and that maybe everyone liked me a little more as the bubbly, slightly chubby, non-athletic one.

Since the height of my personal physical fitness goal being reached, and the subsequent fall back into old habits of considering a light stroll a workout, resulting in being so weak I pull my neck picking up my kids toys, this idea that I am broken or more liked when out of shape, has haunted me.

Well, that was until I was met with the biggest challenge yet in my life… my twin pregnancy. The mental, physical and emotional toll this challenge took on me has been life changing. I think the fact that I couldn’t just give up and take my belly off was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

Truthfully, I thought my twin pregnancy would break me. I surely wasn’t cut out for that kind of marathon. Every day I would think to myself, “this is it, the day that my body gives out, that it exposes itself for what I always thought it was… a weakling.”

But instead, the opposite happened. My body shocked me at its incredible ability to be an incubator, creating two people at once. Even when I would almost black out when I reached the top of the stairs, or the day I lost my vision while driving. It did it’s job. It was a mighty vessel.

My mind even shocked me. Out of isolation and a feeling of being trapped inside of my body, I was able to eventually push past the fear and create change in my life.

It has taken me a long time to get where I am after having my twins. It has taken a lot of perseverance and hard work. But most of all, it has taken a lot of patience and love for myself.

Rewiring my brain isn’t easy. I know what has held me back and I am slowly chipping away.

I have created a visual in my head, and I am constantly closing my eyes and returning to that vision of strength and determination. A person who isn’t afraid anymore. A person who is going to let go of the comfortable weight and soar again.

I have come so far and have been through so much. It is time to recreate who I see myself as, knowing that although I will be changing some things, that doesn’t mean that I am losing the best parts of me.

I want this change to come from a place of self care and of giving back to my body after everything it has given and created.

I’m not broken, I’ve just been scared. It’s time to let that fear help propel me forward so that I can reach my goals, drop the excuses, be secure within my success and know that wanting to reach the finish line is not selfish, it’s self-love.

____________________________________________

What am I doing about it?

I have been researching, reading, sharing, exploring and have been asking for help. I have partnered with a personal trainer who is going to help me stay focused and stand by me when I think that I am not enough.

Rob from Trainers On Site has been working with me, (and Mike), since the beginning of December and already I am feeling stronger and closer to my goals.

I am so excited to start bringing all of you on this journey with me. I will be raw and honest with you along the way, sharing my fears and my triumphs as I peel back the layers of self doubt I have been carrying around with me since childhood.

I will be sharing what I’ve learned, including my exercise routine, fitness tips and meal ideas on Facebook (including live videos), here on the blog, on my YouTube channel and on Instagram.

Progress photos will be posted each week, and I will motivate and inspire you with your goals along the way.

Trainers On Site is an in-home personal training service. Servicing Toronto, West GTA and Halton.

Disclosure: Nesting Story is in partnership with Trainers On Site and has received free services from them.

A Day In The Life 4 (video) – Life With Four Kids Including Twin Toddlers

Last week when I filmed this day in the life, I was trying to problem solve why everyone was in a funk. Throughout the day I did things to set myself up for success and help my kids get a little happier.

Also it was the last day of school so my mom came by to help me with early pick up and gave me some great advice on how to handle the terrible twos times two!

Have a peek at some of the mayhem we have been experiencing around here with Mia and Everly in today’s Day In The Life video…

Don’t forget to subscribe to Nesting Story on YouTube so you don’t miss a video!