motherhood Archives - Page 5 of 6

You Are Not Failing At Motherhood And Here’s Why

Motherhood is an unpredictable beast. Just when you think you’ve figured it all out and can hit cruise control, there’s an explosion that can rock your world.

Last week, after getting home from my conference, I did my best to keep a brave face on during re-entry. Although my twin toddlers were giddy from the moment they ran into my arms, our older kids had mixed emotions.

My husband had done a great job while I was away. Almost too great. He had taken a few days off and really nailed the stay-at-home-dad role. Although he kept the house tidy, he wasn’t running a business from home, or doing many of the extra tasks I would have had on my plate.

There were dance parties, and take-out, little treats and surprise visitors, (like Grandma).

The thing is, I was really excited to be home, but the big kids acted like I was a burden. Although I was trying to get back into a routine, to them I was mean mommy coming to stop their fun.

Holden, my sweet boy, peppered every response he gave me with attitude. It didn’t matter how many times I called him on it, he would apologize and then do it again. By the end of the week my voice was shaky as my mommy shield was thinning and his lack of excitement surrounding my arrival home started to really sting.

I pulled myself together, and as a united front with my husband, we had a heart to heart with Holden that seemed to hit home and change his attitude.

The next day, just as I was feeling my groove, the waves started crashing.

Why do I always think to myself, “I’ve got this parenting thing down!”

You know when you have that kid that you can give credit for each of your grey hairs to? That kid that is a challenge at home, but you figure as long as the school doesn’t see a problem, then maybe everything is okay?

Ya, well, that’s our daughter, and now some things are creeping into other areas in her life. Couple that with the regular migraines she has been experiencing and I would say we’ve got a wobbly plate on our hands.

I allowed myself to have a pity party for a few minutes…

“I am the worst mom… I shouldn’t have travelled… why didn’t I deal with this sooner?… where did I go wrong?…”

Then I pulled it together and reminded myself of a few things that I have learned along the way about motherhood.

Motherhood isn’t the perfect, sterile experience I had once pictured as a kid.
Motherhood is dirty, painful, relationship altering, imperfect, messy, confusing and raw. Although motherhood has its really lovely moments, it’s the ugly love that holds the real beauty. I have let go of the picturesque images I had of this journey and have begun embracing the ugly experiences that create that deeper bond with my family.

The mom next door is going through something just as rough, if not worse.
You run into a friend at the grocery store, with your hair unbrushed, your face with yesterday’s makeup still on and your toddler is emptying your cart while you are trying to chat.

You stare at your friend in awe. She looks completely put together, as you reach down to pick up the boxed dinners your kid keeps chucking on the ground. Her six week old is blissfully sleeping wrapped against her chest. What is her secret?

Her secret is that her two older kids are at school and she has finally showered, and gotten out of the house after a wicked case of stomach flu just ripped through her family. She’s bathing in the blissful sweet spot between each inevitable parenting crisis, and she knows that something is probably lurking around the corner waiting to pounce on her tomorrow. Let her enjoy her bliss… because no mother is immune.

It’s okay to alter your parenting methods, your weekly routine and your work/life balance.
Every few weeks it can suddenly seem like whatever was working for you before is not anymore. If this is the case, reassess and make some changes. It is such a simple concept, but it took me a long time to realize that making changes to when I fit my workout in, what kind of routine works for my kids and my work/life balance doesn’t mean I have failed. It just means that a new phase has started and everything needs to shift around to accommodate each family member.

After my pity party and then taking a weekend to remind myself that I am a great mom who just has some problems to solve, I have begun to shift our world around, and take control.

When I can hear myself taking lots of deep breaths as I get everyone ready to head out the door in the morning, I remind myself that I am in the driver’s seat. I will make changes. This is all part of motherhood and we all have these days.

Don’t forget to follow our family’s journey on Facebook, Instagram and YouTube!

How My Skin Care Has Evolved After Becoming A Mother

Before having kids, I never truly appreciated the most sacred room in our home… the bathroom. Once you become a mother, you become very aware of this room. After spending your day caring for everyone else, it is a luxury to go and have a hot bath, or shower.

When I first became a mom, I would strap my newborn into his bouncy chair while quickly and wildly washing in the shower. All the while, I’d constantly peek my head out to make sure he was okay (which he always was).

Those were the days when I would feel this pang of guilt each time I took a bit of time for myself. Fast forward six years and four kids later, the guilt is long gone. Now it’s just a matter of finding the time, and I make sure I carve it out for myself daily.

Something else that has also evolved over the years is my skin care routine. Before kids, I would shower daily and put myself first. But once I became a mother, I let my self-care routine slide.

As the years went by, and I got a little older, I knew that I needed to give my skin the attention it needed. This also included ditching products that were not right for my skin, or my family’s.

From facials, to exfoliating scrubs, I have tried it all. But in the end, I have found that a great routine, great products, and some good rest are all that my skin needs.

One product that I love for my skin is simply Dial® ADVANCED Bar Soap. Not only is the smell incredible, but it also contains vitamin E and aloe to leave my skin feeling healthy and soft. It lathers like a dream, too, thanks to its new “Lather Pocket” design.

Another reason I have switched to this soap is the shape and size. I always felt like was replacing my soaps so often before, but Dial® ADVANCED Bar Soap is 25% larger than other Dial® soap bars and it has a great ergonomic shape.

Dial® has also a great line of body washes, which I also love! These body washes include Dial® Silk and Magnolia with Silk Protein, which literally feels like silk as you wash, Dial® Soothing Care with Collagen, which is so soft on my skin, and my personal favorite: Dial® Miracle Oil™ Coconut Oil body wash; the smell reminds me of being on a beach vacation.

I’m not the only one using the Dial® ADVANCED Bar Soap; my husband and four kids love it too.

A fresh new take on bar soap!

With new lather pockets, Dial® ADVANCED Bar Soap provides a moisture-rich lather. This advanced formula is non-drying and contains Aloe and Vitamin E, that leaves your skin feeling healthy and soft. Learn more here!

Disclosure: This post was brought to you by Henkel Consumer Goods Canada via Mode Media Canada. The opinions expressed herein are those of the author and are not indicative of the opinions or positions or Henkel Consumer Goods Canada.

Maybe This Is The Easy Part

Sometimes as parents we are so focused on the future, that we can’t wait to get out of this stage, or age with our kids. So much so, that we don’t see the good parts going on right now.

Recently, my older brother and my three-year-old nephew visited us from out of province. My nephew has not been the easiest child. He is this unique hybrid, of brilliant and heart melting, yet full of intense energy and like most three year olds, he is run by his emotions. I could see in my brother’s face, that parenthood was taking it’s toll, and not at all what he had pictured.

I am the more seasoned parent between us, having four kids under my belt, while he has two.

Like I had always done in the past, I started to launch into my long list of complaints and hardships that I was going through with my kids. I used to do this so that he knew that he is not alone and that we all go through it with our kids.

Suddenly, I stopped babbling, realizing I was talking about issues that we were problem solving months ago.

Did I even have a crisis going on right now? Oh yeah, my five-year-old daughter won’t stop talking in third person. It can drive me up the wall, and I am pretty sure she know it pushes my buttons, but really? I was reaching.

After years of language delays and childhood anxiety with my older kids, then the chaos of having twins, we were actually… dare I say it… going through an easy phase.

I, like most parents, am so caught up in my to-do lists and so focused on what isn’t going right, that I often miss what is.

My husband and I will often fantasize about the day that we can all go to a restaurant without a sippy cup being whipped across the table, or being able to get projects done around our home, while all four of our kids play happily, without requiring supervision.

But maybe this too, right now, is the easy part?

So what if most of our cupboards and closets in our home are a disaster, or that my car needs a tune up, or that some days my kids forget to brush their teeth, and I am too exhausted to get on their case about it.

Ya, we’ve got kids in diapers, and it is nearly impossible to go out with all four kids without someone having an epic meltdown. But the older our kids get will also bring its own set of challenges.

In this moment everyone is happy. Everyone is healthy. We have some semblance of a routine going on.

Sure, fights between kids break out, and our twins are approaching the terrible-twos, complete with hitting and biting. But we deal with it in the moment and move on.

Chances are, next week a cold or flu will hit our home and my husband and I will be launched back into that pressure cooker situation we know all too well, when we are cleaning up vomit, or consoling a screaming child during the night. It has been a couple of weeks after all, which means we are due.

As I look around my home, with clutter piling up on our counter, countless things that need repair and dishes sitting in my sink, I think to myself, the to-do list will always be there. It will never be finished. My kids will always find a way to drive me crazy and push my buttons.

This is the easy part. It’s the moments in between illness. It’s the moments between those problems I can’t solve on my own. It’s the moments between those inevitable stressful times, every parent goes through, that tests your marriage, your patience and your strength.

The easy part isn’t perfect, tear free, or sterile. It’s laughter, it’s learning, it’s cuddles, it’s teaching moments, it’s the small triumphs.

It’s parenthood.

Don’t forget to LIKE Nesting Story on Facebook, and follow Nesting Story on Instagram!

Why Juggling Being a SAHM And A WAHM Was Destroying My Love For Motherhood And Sabotaging My Business

This morning my six-year-old son, Holden, was crawling around our kitchen, pretending to be a spy, in hopes that he could scare his father. This was going on as my five-year-old daughter, Beau, was trying to assert her independence (as she should) by carrying her full glass of orange juice from our kitchen island to the table, as I busied myself bringing our twin toddlers their breakfast.

Suddenly my son heard footsteps, as my husband approached the kitchen. Holden stood up and ran while looking back behind his shoulder, running right into Beau. Orange juice went everywhere and Beau was dripping head to toe.

I screamed “Holddddeeeeen!!!” Then two things followed that shouldn’t have.

First, both Holden and Beau started to panic, saying “sorry, sorry, sorry!” While they each had a look of sheer terror in their eyes. The next was something broke inside of me. I didn’t loose it, like my kids thought I would, and were far too used to. I didn’t cry either.

Remember when the “islands of personality” start to crumble in Pixar’s Inside Out? I felt like a part of me inside crumbled, and I thought to myself, “I can’t do this! I hate motherhood!”

For the last couple of weeks I have been struggling with increasing anxiety. A heaviness on my chest that I have not been able to shake. It may have started with a snarky comment I received from a mom on my You Tube channel…

I’m confused! :-/
You are a blogger, but do you get paid for that?
Your oldest goes to school, then Beau goes to daycare, and you most days have a nanny for the twins?
In this vlog, it’s spring break, so all of the kids go to a full day of daycare, while you go shopping, get ready, and have lunch with friends?
Do you ever just spend a day with your kids, playing, and hanging out!?
I’m a mom to 5 kids beautiful children(18,16,13,12, and 7)
and when they were younger, I was a single mother, who also started a blogging website and worked a full time job.Weekends were spent with my kids and I didn’t blog at all! Since I worked 60 hours a week, I didn’t get a lot of quality time with my kids, so the weekends were all about them!!!
I just don’t get why, if you’re a SAHM, why your children have a nanny and or go to daycare all of the time!? I understand we only see 10-20 minutes of your life, but it seems as though, you get rid of your kids as often as possible!

I rarely feel like I have to explain myself, or respond to mean comments. But this one shook me to the core. This mom had seen tiny snippets of my life in my “day in the life” videos I occasionally make. She didn’t have the whole story. Here was my response…

Hi there. Yes, I do get paid. I worked for a long time unpaid and now I am creating content for three websites. At this point it is a full-time paid job which has added a second income. For a long time I worked while my kids napped, or in the evenings and the other two were in school. In the summer (video 1 you are referring to) we had a part-time nanny for a couple of months, which didn’t work out. I worked for 3 months without childcare and now have our twins in daycare 9 AM – 12 PM each weekday, with occasional full days (depending on deadlines).
I most definitely spend a lot of each day and all day every weekend with my kids.
I rarely use my “work time” to go out with friends or run errands, but when I choose which day to film a day in the life, I will often pick a day with a lot of variety so that the video isn’t just me typing at my desk.
I did the SAHM thing when my first was born, for three years, and it wasn’t for me. It sent me into a depression. It truly is the hardest job, and I knew that I needed to find a balance that not only suited me, but my family too.
So, although I am at home all day, I am not a SAHM shipping my kids off. I am a hard working WAHM.

But this comment, my recent work-load and tomorrow’s launch of my new website and rebranding, has really had me thinking lately. What am I doing? I am now lucky enough to say that I, as a blogger, am bringing in enough paid work each month to work full-time. Yet, why am I paying for childcare and still trying to do so much of the SAHM thing during the day, while working my ass off again at my computer most nights?

I am a people pleaser. Or maybe I can finally start saying, I am a former people pleaser. This is something that I have struggled with since childhood. Initially I was pegged as the peace-keeper, but as I grew, my wise mother started pointing out that I was people pleasing too much, and needed to stand up for myself more.

I have come a long way, but even now as a grown adult, I am finding myself people pleasing once again, especially while trying to carve out my path as a full-time working mom, who happens to have her office based out of her home. I am constantly allowing myself to get distracted with lengthly personal phone calls from family, and occasionally be persuaded to meet friends during work hours.

Yesterday I spent the whole afternoon cleaning out my car. The sun was shining, I saw the opportunity and I grabbed it. Last week I went grocery shopping twice, worked out and showered daily, and went shopping for my kids, all during work hours. I am pretty sure if I had a 9am – 5pm office job with a boss, I’d be fired by now.

But when my kids get home from school and daycare, I am stressed beyond belief and a short-tempered ogre, watching the clock, wondering how early is too early to get my kids to bed so I can get back to work?

What the hell am I doing?

After spending days being too distracted to enjoy or complete anything, because the running conversations and arguments in my head were just too loud, I asked myself, “what do you want?”

The truth is, I am completely jealous of the Sheryl Sandbergs and Marissa Mayers of this world. No one questions them about just spending a day playing with their kids. Okay, maybe we all questioned Marissa Mayers’ statement about “taking limited time away” and “working throughout” her twin pregnancy, for a minute. But we applaud them as hard-working women, who also happen to be mothers.

Why have I been creating this massive grey area when it came to me working?

What I really want is to create clear lines. I will be a mom certain hours of the day, and be 100% focused on work, for the other parts. I will stop muddying the waters.

Don’t get me wrong, I will still be the parent who adjusts their schedule when a child is home sick, or has a pressing appointment. That is, at least until I become Mike’s sugar mama.

This will take time to figure out what I let go of, because I know I can’t have it all, and how to adjust my schedule and create stronger boundaries. But at least I have a goal and know what I want.

So to all of the moms out there, who love their kids, but know they want that career, especially as an entrepreneur… it’s okay to stop people pleasing and put your foot down. It’s okay to completely switch hats instead of wearing two at once all of the time.

Let’s drop the guilt and carve out our own path.

Easter Weekend, A Panic Attack And Simplifying Life At Home

I stood in my bathroom, trying to quickly get ready for our second Easter dinner. We had a busy day at Mike parents’ house the previous day, and now it was time to go and have dinner with my family. I had successfully braided one side of my hair and was trying to braid the other side. But despite the fact that I had done this specific hairstyle a thousand times before, my hands just couldn’t seem to co-ordinate with what my brain was telling them.

I could see Mike watching me, as he got ready from his side of the bathroom. He was intently listening to the increasing number of deep breaths I was taking, as I kept starting this simple braid over and over again.

My chest was tightening, and I felt frustrated with myself. Why wasn’t I getting this simple task?

The previous week was spent taking care of sick children. All four, (plus Mike), had been hit hard with a viral bug. But Mia and Beau took the brunt of it. Between an ice storm, the Easter long weekend and sick kids, I had a week full of children home.

Although running my own business from home has a lot of perks, one thing remains the same… you can’t just not work. Yes, I scaled back, but I was spending the evening hours frantically catching up. Even worse, I wasn’t getting it all out.

Blogging for me is how I release the stress from parenting and work through problems swirling around in my mind. I crave the quietness each day, that my office brings. Then, once the school bell rings, I can be engaged and energetic with my kids.

But the week of colds, fevers, vomit, sleepless nights and toddlers wanting to be carried around constantly had taken it’s toll.

As I stood there staring back at myself in the mirror, my mind felt fragmented.

Worry washed over me, as it sometimes does. Was my mind failing me? Why couldn’t I get this braid?

My chest became heavier, my breathing laboured. Mike knowingly and understandingly walked over and put a hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“I’m having a panic attack.” I replied.

Unlike so many stories I have heard, when I have a panic attack, I don’t feel like I am having a heart attack, or dying. I feel this extreme loss of control. I don’t feel comfortable in my skin. I feel like I can barely breathe and can’t keep my head above water. I knew what I had to do.

I start talking to Mike, telling him what I am feeling, and as I listened to the words coming out of my mouth, reality started coming back. Worries started to gain perspective again and I felt a sense of clarity.

My breathing returned to normal, although my chest is still tight, today, (the next day). I let go of the braids and pulled my hair up into a simple ponytail, and finished getting ready.

We enjoyed our day, while in my mind, I was making a plan of attack.

I would get through the last day our older kids were home, as best I could. I would make sure laundry was away and the house was tidy enough.

I would organize my schedule into two columns: important appointments I will be keeping for the next few weeks and non-work commitments that I can let go of. I would get back to the big home purge Mike and I started months ago and simplify our world.

I would dive into my work this week, knocking my to-do list out of the park and letting the words flow.

Until I get back into my rhythm this week, I am giving myself a break. I am making easy meals… yes my kids have had toast for breakfast and lunch today. At least they have full tummies.

The crafts to keep my kids busy for their last day off have consisted of me stapling computer paper together and instructing them to each create a book. Each of them masterfully came up with incredible ideas, including Beau’s “which colour is missing from the rainbow?” book.

As the week begins, our routine resumes, and the business of Easter fades away, so will the tightness in my chest. I will stick to my plan of simplification and carefully choose what will feed my soul.

I won’t let myself be swallowed by anxiety and panic. I will allow myself to feel it and keep talking, knowing that my mind isn’t broken, it’s just tired.

I think so many of us parents can feel this way, especially after a particularly rough week of parenting. It is so important to take those deep breaths, let go of what you can and give yourself a break.