quality time

My Kids Broke Me. How I Am Finding The Joy In Motherhood… Again

Four kidsI walked around my home trying to pull together outfits for all four of my kids, so that my husband, Mike could take them out, to give me a much needed break. The screams from bored toddlers and cries from my 5-year-old, who was already in a funk, but her big brother decided to go poke the bear, echoed through our house.

I was done. I could feel my chest tighten and hot tears started streaming down my cheeks.

As I tried to compose myself while quickly wiping away my tears, I couldn’t hide my sniffles as I walked down the stairs. Mike overhead this telltale sound and said, “what’s wrong?” “Everything.” I replied as the sobs started to exit my body. “I feel like I am failing. If I am being really honest, I am not enjoying motherhood lately.” Instinctively, he thought he was supposed to ramp up the discipline. He stormed around the house trying to create order, but really, he was only adding an extra level of tension.

Our kids started to mirror our tension and fights broke out in front of us.

I turned to Mike and said, “the balance is off right now. I know it’s me. I know that my lack of joy and level of impatience is creating a toxic environment that everyone is feeding off of. We need to problem solve this in a real way.” I could see understanding wash across his face.

Before he walked out the door, he looked back at me, as a fresh tears started to appear on my face. “I am failing as a mom,” I sobbed. “No you aren’t. In fact it’s the opposite. You care so much. We will fix this, like we always do.”

While Mike and the kids were out, it dawned on me. I was waiting for spontaneous moments of joy with my kids to come to me. Why was I not initiating activities and outings that I would also find enjoyable and fun?

Once they arrived home, I packed up our 5-year-old, Beau, and the two of us went out to get her hair cut, have a little one-on-one time, and chat about each of us listening to each other better.

Then later that day, we all sat down, as a family and enjoyed colouring together. I love being creative, so this was bliss for me.

By the time we packed up the art supplies, not only were the kids’ emotional buckets filled, but so was mine. Something that in the past, I wasn’t doing enough of.

Of course, the craziness resumed, and fights still break out, but just having those moments of joy with my kids, makes all of motherhood a lot more enjoyable.

Watch our day as it unfolded, starting with my mini meltdown…

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Learning To Log-off & Liv On Life – Going To The Park – Book Review And Giveaway!

LOL_Going_To_The_Park_-_Live_Front_CoverI recently had the opportunity to review the beautifully illustrated and cleverly written book Going To The Park from the Liv On Life children’s book series.  This modern story written by Elizabeth Grocery and based on life with her daughter Olivia is wonderfully written, simple and definitely hit home for me.  I was immediately captured by the stunning illustrations and Kajiah Jacobs’ clever use of colour in this book.  Jacobs’ attention to detail, soft lines and playful characters transport you into Liv’s world.

Going To The Park is a book about a little girl named Liv and her dog Bowie.  Liv desperately wants her parents to log off and unplug from work at home so that they can spend un-inturrupted time with Liv and Bowie including taking them to park.  In the end Liv finally gets through to her parents and they take a family trip to the park free of any electronic distractions.

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The timing of me reading this book couldn’t be more in sync with my life right now. As Nesting Story has grown exponentially over the past month, the demand it has taken on my time has grown as well. Although I am home with my kids instead of away for hours on end like I used to be when I’d have to leave our home to work on design and mural projects, I am much more distracted and divided. Nesting Story has been my fifth baby for a few years now and to finally see it flourish excites me to no end. Although I am there for snuggles, bath times and play time with our four kids, its those moments when it’s typically the child that is driving you bananas that needs me the most and I’d rather bury myself in my laptop blogging.IMG_3036The main character of this story has an uncanny resemblance to my almost four year old daughter Beau.  From the wild long curls to Liv’s imaginative and wild spirit, the similarities are frightening!  I chuckled to myself when in the book, Liv paints her dolly’s hair with strawberry scented lip gloss.  See my previous post The Destructive Child and you will understand.

Liv_and_doll_PRMy biggest takeaway from Going To The Park is to unplug and put your phone away.  I am learning to compartmentalize and be more present.  One little trick I have learned that works well for myself and my kids is to set a timer.  I will set a timer multiple times throughout the day to divide it into mommy’s work time, snack time, lunch time, playtime, screen time, workbook time and so on….  This defines when I am and am not working.

IMG_3284Going To The Park has quickly become one of Beau’s favourite books.  Here’s the exciting part, I am having a Going To The Park book giveaway!  Just head to Nesting Story’s Facebook page for details on how you can win!!!Giveaway Image 2 Instagram

For more information on the Liv ON Life series or to purchase Going To The Park, head to www.livonlife.com.

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