Twins, four kids, the truth and why I’ve been afraid to say this out loud

Joanna Fowler August 16, 2018 Blog, Family, Parenting, Twins

A note to my readers… I have been sitting on this post for almost a year. I wrote it after a particular trying season, while taking a minute to breathe just outside of my daughter’s dance class. I was resistant to share it. Maybe because I needed the clouds to part. Although this still rings true when things get tough, it’s not such an overwhelming sensation anymore. I have updated my kids ages to reflect today. I hope that with sharing this piece, a mother somewhere might feel a little less alone.

Mother and four kids
Christmas portrait with twins and older siblings

I am about to talk about something that is an almost constant thought of mine. It is something that I think about often and I have only said out loud to three people before in fear that when I utter the words, I might not be understood. That I might be judged, or told that I am not grateful.

But I have decided to say these words out loud because I might not be the only parent of multiples to think this.

Maybe you will get it.

I’ve written a lot about our journey, from the moment we found out we were having two babies, to preparing for their arrival and babyhood with two. But the older our twins get, the less I feel I am going through twin-specific phases and the more I feel like we just happen to have two kids with the same birthday.

Truthfully, I forget I have twins half the time. But every once and a while, when we are in a pressure-cooker-situation, like trying to pop into a store and both of my four-year-olds melt down and they are too big to scoop up easily to abandon ship, I remember… oh yeah I have twins!

I should mention to anyone who is new to my blog, that I have two older kids too. An nine-year-old and a seven year old. Which as you can probably imagine, is a very busy life.

So here it is…

There is this sense of relief when I remember I have twins. The fact that I never had the choice to ease into four kids. The fact that I never had three kids and thought, let’s have one more.

Because in those moments, where I feel completely outnumbered and overwhelmed, I find comfort in the fact that I did not choose to jump from two to four.

Now before I get in too deep with this confession, I want to say that moms with four kids, or multiples are not “more of a mom” than moms with one, or two, or three kids. Moms with one kid have their own set of challenges, I get that. In fact I often tell parents that one was WAY harder than four, (no built in playmates, everything is a first, and there’s too much time to overthink every decision).

But we are busier. It’s a mathematical fact.

We have to bring four kids in from the car, who are cranky and hungry and just want to challenge us. We have to do four bedtimes, with four different sleep challenges. We have to satisfy four different appetites and keep track that each one ate at least something other than bread each day. We have four yearly dentist, doctor and eye-doctor appointments. Four different school and friend challenges… and the list goes on and on.

Every fall, here in Canada, we have to track down four sets of mitts, hats, winter coats, boots and snow pants, whether its digging through hand-me-down bins, or running from store to store not settling until you find snow pants with reinforced knee-patches, to save yourself a mid-winter shopping trip.

So, there it is. That’s the truth. It’s out there now.

But here’s the good thing… I wouldn’t have it any other way. I may have not chosen this path to four children, but I am so glad that I was dealt this hand.

Being a mom of four, and twins, has forced me to grow in ways that without my children, I would have never done. It has made me realize that it’s okay to give myself grace when I’ve had a rough day, and be kind to myself when it all feels like a lot.

On the hardest days I, ( after sometimes loosing my cool a little), will remind myself that letting go of perfection, and loving my family fiercely is almost always the solution.

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19 thoughts on “Twins, four kids, the truth and why I’ve been afraid to say this out loud”

  1. I am not a mom, but I find this very inspiring and touching at the same time. Makes me appreciate my mom who has to raise 6 children. Thank you for this wonderful writing.

  2. I only have one child and that is all we are having!! I give out proper kudos to any who has more than one child, whether it’s planned that way or not! You are a strong woman, you’re beautiful and you are doing a terrific job! Tell yourself that every single day!

    Jennette Allan

    1. Thank you Jennette! You are a superwoman too! One definitely has it’s own set of challenges.

  3. Wow, I too am a mom of four and a mom of twins. My two oldest sons are 4 and 6, my twins are 8 months. I have felt exactly the same way at times and am relieved to see I’m not alone. Great post!

    1. Thank you Bianca. I was so nervous to put it out there but I knew I couldn’t be alone.

    2. I am a Dad (yes, we read these too). We are 76 days (at the most) from giving birth to twins. These will be kids #3 and #4. Our older ones are 8 and 5 years old. I know we are in for a wild ride full of stress and mess and joy. Thank you for being a “voice” to remind me that we are not alone and that we will navigate through the fog and turbulence. See you on the other side!

    1. 19 months! You are in it. Be kind to yourself during this phase with twins. You definitely understand the older kid challenges that I am starting to face.

  4. I have 4 as well, no multiples but the last 2 are a year apart at I was 37/38 when I had them. I’m thankful I’ve had an abundance of help with them but holy it’s changed me too. For the better in most ways except I procrastinate and live in a mess more often than I would like to admit now lol. Embrace the chaos because it’s very temporary! Love your ability to be candid yet considerate of others.

    1. Let the mess go. I do. I have found peace with it and know that it’s not hurting anyone and I will get to it when I get to it. Thank you for your kind words.

  5. Thanks for sharing your insights. I always wanted to have four children. But with our two ( 7 year old son and 3 year old daughter) and running an online business too, I really need to challenge myself to get all necessary things done as well as having some me-time. You are really doing great and your children are adorable. I really love to read your thoughts, because all that moms outthere can really connect how much effort it needs to be a motivated mom and a lucky woman and wife too. I always love to watch moms of more then two children in order to recognize how they can manage all these messes and challenges!

  6. I’m so glad I came across your blog! So much of this blog post resonated with me. I would often say/pray, “God, you gave me these precious children (I consider them gifts eventhough the day to day has not always felt like a gift) and somehow felt that I could handle them eventhough I’ve felt completely overwhelmed at times/seasons – particularly when my twin girls were 18 months-3 yrs) I have 5 kids – oldest is a boy (turned 9 in July) and the rest are girls: turned 7 in June, twins that just turned 5 yrs old and an almost 2 yr old.

  7. I’m enjoying your blog. I found it because my son and daughter-in-law are expecting twins and also have a 1yr old. So I know they’ll be busy. I had 8 children and I do believe it was just what I was meant to do in my life. Busy? yea, but doing what I loved. So you just have to realize your a mom of #’s. And sometimes just remember your in “baby-land”. Not a bad place to be:) I’ve got a ton of advice for anyone who wants it and even more funny stories! Keep up the good work! And just remember every day to tell them you love them.

  8. This is a true life experience with Doctor Odunga who helped me save my marriage from jeopardy. My name is Kimberly Dillimore and i am from US A. I and my husband a have been married for over 6 years. We didn’t have any child. My husband was not happy with this because we have tried for many years now to have a child that we thought of adopting but the idea wasn’t the best for us. So i resorted to the search for spell casters. I contacted 2 very different spell casters and i never got my wish and never got any solution. My time, effort and energy became a wasted issue on it but after 3 months, i met Doctor Odunga through a testimony written by a woman named Clara about how Doctor Odunga helped her get her ex husband back to her and i decided to give this man a try to see what comes out of it. After meeting with him, I explained everything to him and he told me not to worry. I am very happy to say that within a week of contact, I conceived and became pregnant with child. Before my contact with Doctor Odunga my husband have been against anything i do but now he is very happy with me and takes care of me. Please contact and meet Doctor Odunga if you are passing through any difficulty in life at odungaspelltemple@gmail. com

  9. Thank you so much for writing this article! I am a mom of four as well, with my youngest two being twins. Finding out you are pregnant with twins is quite a surprise when we only wanted baby number three. Yes, it is very hard at times, very trying and exhausting; but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  10. Really enjoying this blog right now. I’m about 8 weeks away from being a mom of 4 under 4, a 3 year old, an 18 mth old, and twins on the way. I’m actually reading through this as I await my gestational diabetes test… so thanks for giving encouragement, and for helping me kill this hour wait!!

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