Yesterday at 6pm I had enough. I had a decision to make, either I let the tears come, as I felt them bubble to the surface, hot behind my eyes, or I just walk away and hide from my family.
I chose to walk away.
I put down the cooked chicken I was cradling in my hands, turned and walked out of my kitchen, away from my family. I was careful to be soft on my feet as I went upstairs, so that it was clear that I wasn’t angry at my kids or my husband, I just needed a minute. I walked along my hall ignoring toys scattered around me, through my bedroom, past the laundry basket of my clean clothes that I hadn’t had time to put away and straight into my bathroom, locking the door behind me.
I gathered up some towels, making a comfy-enough nest on the ground and collapsed into the quietness.
About twenty minutes later, after some much-needed, mindless scrolling through my phone and realized that my towel nest wasn’t protecting my sensitive (birthed four kids and twins) hips from the cold tile floor very well. So I hoisted myself up and went back downstairs determined to make it through the school night.
What had led up to this point?
It was a combination of things… our dog escaping and running down the street before taking our kids to school, meltdown after meltdown from our twins after school, the many forms that I had to fill out which seemed to be coming home daily, the lunches to make, the kids to dress, the playdates to organize, the evening chats about friends, the bedtimes…
On top of it all I was now juggling less work hours during the day with more deadlines than ever flowing in.
But, it was the chicken that was my tipping point. Remember the chicken?
Earlier that day I had ignored my messy house around me and proudly stared at our rare, empty sink without even one dirty dish in it. I had decided to go pick up a pre-made chicken from the grocery store to avoid new dirty dishes. Well, because it was earlier in the day, I had to refrigerate the cooked chicken, and when Mike arrived home, and I was completely spent, he made a comment about me refrigerating it, which to him wasn’t ideal.
Ughhhh…. I was done.
I am writing this the next day, a new day. Although I still feel spread too thin, and I am bracing for the after school chaos, I am determined to figure out our new normal. I know that this is the hard part, and we have to figure out how we can swing this and what our rhythm will be. But I know we will get there.
So if you are in the second week of school trenches with me, hang in the mama, and don’t forget, it is okay to take a few quiet minutes for yourself.
3 thoughts on “Week two of school and the honeymoon is over”
Tie a knot and hang on girl. You’ve got this!! Btw you have the most beautiful healthy looking hair. Having had thyroid issues myself have you had problems with brittle hair or hair loss? I’ve been taking 112mcg of Synthroid when I previously was on 100mcg for probably ten years. It seems much better now but was just wondering what your experience was with your hair? It just looks so thick and healthy.
Yesterday was rough for me too. My twins are still at home with me and my older two away at school. My youngest was really pushing my buttons yesterday. I think for the most part I was able to contain the stress I was feeling-but that was part of the problem. I was FEELING it. It was bubbling up from my stomach to my chest and causing physical pain. I managed to tuck it in after a deep breath and managed to get everyone to bed without losing it. Once they were all asleep I was able to relax and “space out”. I literally could feel the tension and stress flowing out of my body. I am trying to pace myself. My husband left a couple of days ago and I am on my own till the end of the month. I have a sitter booked for Sunday afternoon(their is a jewelry/gem show I want to check out) and Monday morning(a friend is in town and we will be going for brunch). Its those things that I hold onto to make it through the time he is away.
No shame in needing some alone time away from the family from time to time. I feel for you. My husband is a team player and takes care of me when I’m fed up but at the same time, he will say things that are just…ugh!! Just gotta retreat and enjoy some MeTime. Hang in there!
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