Wearing Many Hats As A Mother Can Feel Impossible Some Days

Wearing lots of hatsLast week I froze. I froze and my brain couldn’t seem to process simple tasks. I stood there in my kitchen, with my hands on the counter while my four kids were asking for “more snacks” and “what’s for dinner?”

The dishes were still piled up beside the sink from breakfast, the house looked like a tornado had gone through it, and I couldn’t seem to process what I should do next.

I walked from room to room without completing one a simple task.

Each day I wear many hats. I am a blogger, writer, entrepreneur, business woman, story teller, daughter, sister, friend, mother, wife, caretaker, nurse, janitor, chauffeur, chef, and a therapist, just to name a few.

Throughout the day my brain has to shift into different gears; planning meals, dressing, cleaning and feeding kids, then switch into a momprenuer for different segments throughout the day, before switching gears back into a mom and then often back into a business woman/wife in the evening.

On that particular day last week, my brain couldn’t seem to make the switch. The gears got stuck and I froze in neutral.

Deadlines, ideas, pitches and to-do lists still filled my head while I was supposed to be thinking about dinner, snacks, baths, homework, and spending quality time with my kids.

Working mom

But on this day it all felt like too much.

My four-year-old daughter began screaming, yelling that her throat hurt and she felt so sick. She needed me to shift into nurse mode. I momentarily snapped out of it, assessed that my three other kids were safe and secure, then scooped her up, carried her to her room, tucked her into bed, took her temperature and gave her medicine.

I told her I’d be up in a bit with her dinner and retreated back downstairs. Downstairs to all of my other responsibilities.

It all felt like too much. After another long pause I was able to get a few basic tasks done.

It was time to make the decision on how I would process this feeling of being overwhelmed. Do I  just let the tears flow like I did the previous week? Did I have the energy to snap out of it and take charge? Or do I just numb myself and let all of the extra stuff go?

I made the decision to walk away. Walk away from the mess. Walk away from the to-do list, the emails, the unfolded laundry and focus on my family and my time-sensitive work deadlines.

I had to shelf a bunch of my hats, and focus on one task at a time.

That’s the thing. You can have it all, but never at the exact same time. Something always has to take a back seat. Something always has to wait.

I am learning that if I am going to follow my two dreams: being a mother and a successful entrepreneur, I am going to have to learn that sometimes the extra noise can wait.

The Art Of Trading Off

COPENHAGEN

Last week, illness entered our house. It took hold of our twins one by one and then circled back to each of them once more.

My husband Mike and I know exactly what to do when our kids are sick. After more than six years of being parents and having four kids, we have figured out what medicines to use, how much to give, how to hydrate, when a cry is a “sick cry,” who cleans the sick child while the other changes the sheets and at what point they need to see a doctor.

But when your child is only sleeping in 30 minute intervals, and has you awake for most of the night, it can feel like you are in a pressure cooker.

For the first part of the night, we usually have our rhythm. But then this point hits, where we would start to snap at each other and fight about things that don’t even make sense.

Over the years we have learned that it is so important, (especially when an illness lingers), that we communicate with the other person when we feel like we have nothing else left to give.

A few days into our outbreak, Mike was unravelling. In fact, he was telling me about things that were irritating him that didn’t even make sense to me. It reminded me of when I get really bad PMS and my nerves feel raw.

I took charge and told him that I was taking over. I did all of the night waking, medicine administering and comforting. He slept and recharged.

But by Saturday morning, although Mike was back to himself again, I was the one who was crashing. Only for me, it was a physical toll the stress and lack of sleep was taking.

He immediately jumped into action, took over with the kids and let me hide in bed all morning. I knew that the house might be a mess when I emerged, but I was okay with that.

Eventually the days passed and everyone is healthier. Although we each feel a bit ragged, there is this sense of victory that we feel.

If you and your marriage are going to survive parenthood, and yes I am using the word survive, then you need to not only master the art of “survival mode,” but of also “trading off.”

That includes communicating with the other person when you are DONE and avoid picking meaningless fights, or snapping at the other person. This also means that when the other person is in charge, you give up control. You don’t micromanage or judge if other things fall by the wayside.

We all go through it. Having sick kids sucks. But there is something incredibly rewarding when your little one turns the corner, starts smiling again and life returns to normal… at least until the next illness hits.

Here is a video of me emerging from my Netflix cocoon on that Saturday morning…

 

 

 

Stopping The Stress Eating Cycle

Stopping the stress eating cycle 2From close to my weight-loss goal (left) through gaining seven pounds (center) to losing six pounds.

Truth time. After rocking my healthy lifestyle like a champ at the beginning of the summer, and being within arms reach of my goal weight, I sabotaged my weigh-loss success. Stress hit in the form of my daughter going through the fretful fours, being too busy and my twin toddlers, well, being toddlers. So, true to form, I stress ate. Me stressed

This is a photo of me stressed. So hot right?

I hid, and avoided blogging about my body after babies journey. It wasn’t like I was reaching for junk food, I was just eating, and eating, and eating to comfort myself. Unfortunately, I am just barely five-foot-two, so basically a hobbit, which means if I even smell a dessert, I gain two pounds.gained weightThat smile on my face is very fake. If you ever see that smile, you know I am fake smiling at you. 

I was starting to think I should write a blog post about how it is normal for your weight to fluctuate after having babies, which it is, but that felt like I was throwing in the towel.

So, a week ago, I looked around at our home that was full of sick kids (’tis the season) feeling stressed out of my gourd. I was about to reach for a tablespoon full of peanut butter (yes, that is my vice, my sister’s too, so I can’t be that weird) and I voice in my head said “step away from the peanut butter Joanna.” So I did.

You see, I have been stuck in a vicious cycle. Our stress dies down, I get on track with eating healthy and exercising and then BOOM! Normal family stress hits and I start saying to myself “you deserve this.” Then I feel horrible physically and emotionally and get twice as stressed as I really should.

After I walked away from the peanut butter I hopped on my blog for advice, something that I actually don’t do that often. I re-read a couple of my posts that I wrote when I was in a good-place and was immediately reminded that I too, deserve to take care of myself and I don’t always have to go down with the ship.

So, for the last week I have gone back to eating healthy, and exercising when I can, without over-thinking it. I have lost almost six pounds since making this decision.

Here is the hard part, keeping the momentum. So, I am going to blog every Wednesday about my wellness journey. I hope that this will help hold me accountable. I debated about calling it “weight-loss Wednesdays” but I want to be able to cover everything, including my struggles with anxiety.

Here is the best part, I am what some may call an over-sharer. In fact, there are times in conversations that Mike will shoot me a look and tap his nose, meaning “reel it in a bit with the details Joanna.” That is why blogging is such a perfect fit for me. I really don’t give AF.

So, I will share every gritty detail, every pound, every photo.

Want to join in on the conversation? I’d love to hear all about your journey in the comments below or on Facebook.

Stay tuned…

Don’t forget to follow Nesting Story on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Pinterest!

Having Four Kids Can Be Brutal Sometimes… Especially When Everyone Is Sick

Illness and four kidsHoly crap, I am a mom of four! I am fourteen months into being a mom of four, but I feel like it is really sinking in once again. For the past week, illness has been ripping through our home. There is nothing like having five members of your family to drop like flies. I am the last one standing.

Let’s back up a week. I had been feeling a little stressed. I don’t have any childcare until November, and the weight of trying to get everything done each day was making me feel like I couldn’t catch a break. Although I had successfully calmed the anxiety I had been feeling, but I was starting to pity myself a little too much. This was kindly pointed out to me by Mike, the day after we went out on a date, and I complained the entire time. He told me very nicely that I need to stop complaining and start being more proactive, especially about getting out with the kids so that I am not as isolated.

After being ticked, because he dared to tell me I could change my own situation, it sunk in a little and I decided to yank myself out of my pity spiral and take control. I put plans in place for a week of outings with the kids, a lunch with some friends and a date night with Mike. Monday rolled around and I packed all of the kids up to go pick up pumpkins for our Thanksgiving (we are in Canada) dinner we were going to be hosting. Kids and pumpkinsWe had a really fun time, and I felt pretty great that I was getting out with everyone. But on the drive home Beau started to complain that she didn’t feel well. And a couple hours later she was violently ill and could barely move.

Little did I know that this was just the beginning of two separate illnesses bouncing around our home for a week. A stomach flu and a bad cold. It went from Beau, to Mia, back to Beau, to Mike, to Everly and then Holden. There were even a couple days that Beau had been fine, so I sent her to school, only to be called 30 minutes later because I had to pick her up because she had been sick. Ugh!

Having one or two sick twins that share a room throws a wrench into everything. You worry about them waking their sibling and we eventually found that we had to remove the sick, crying twin to let the other fall asleep. Eventually we were able to put the sick twin back into their crib  without a melt-down. But this would be a long process.
Sick twinsEverly and Mia each had us pull all-nighters, and because we are not spring chickens anymore like our college years, this sleep deprivation hit us hard!3am in our home

This is what 3 a.m. in our home looks like, just in case you were wondering.

By Wednesday afternoon I was so tired, so frustrated and so isolated, that I started to unravel. In fact, I believe the words I uttered to my mother when help finally arrived were “I never signed up for this! I went from two kids to four and never got to experience having three kids. I am done!” Obviously I love my family very much and wouldn’t change a thing, but mentally and emotionally I needed a break.

I was able to still make it out for my lunch with my friends because Mike could see that I was cracking and took some time off of work. We also made it out for a quick date night. Both of these outings were just enough to regain my sanity, recharge and be there for my family.

What happened to our Thanksgiving dinner? We pulled the plug and cancelled. Our family was very understanding and decided to move it to a restaurant. Holden, Beau and I were able to join in as well. thanksgiving dinner 2Every once and a while, I get a wake-up call that I do, indeed have four children. This was one of those times. I am learning that especially while everyone is so young, to embrace survival mode when necessary, and to also be very protective of any breaks I can grab.

The clouds are finally parting and everyone is starting to sleep more and we are able to re-enter life again. We are back to our daily to-do lists, play time and giggles. I have come out on the other side of this week, being humbled by the enormous responsibility of caring for these precious four children, but also feeling stronger and more confident as a mother.Everly sick

Don’t forget to follow Nesting Story on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Pinterest!

The Single Phrase That Will Help You Survive Parenthood

The Single Phrase That Will Help You Survive ParenthoodThere is a term in our home that when spoken, everyone knows what it means and how to proceed. That term is “survival mode”. When Mike and I first became parents, and started to experience what true stress was like, my wise mother would say “you need to go into survival mode.”

Survival mode is when you are going through a particularly stressful time, and you have to dump any extra things in your life that isn’t 100% necessary. For example, when our twins were three weeks old and having chronic diarrhea from a fructose intolerance, we survived that sleep deprivation and stress by cutting back on whatever we could. Laundry would get washed, but only make it as far as the laundry basket, never put away. Meals were quick and easy, often being take-out. Our friends and family found that we had suddenly disappeared. IMG_6096Many of us parents tend to strive for this perfection that we naively think is going on behind the closed door of every other household where children reside. Truth: that is not the case.Sick Baby

Sure, we all have weeks when we think, “damn, I am killing it as a parent.” But beware, as soon as those thoughts flood your well-meaning OCD head, your child will wake up vomiting and you will find yourself under strict quarentine with strategically placed “puke bowls” scattered around your home in hopes that your little one might actually learn to aim this time.Kids Sleeping With FeverYour family has to define what “survival mode” means for you, and when it is required. We have had “survival mode” last anywhere from a day to months. Six years in, we know that there will always be moments of crisis or extreme stress. It is part of the package.

My husband and I are seasoned enough now to know that these stressful moment of illness, family crisis, behavioural problems, work deadlines and so on… will always come. But the key is to know when the storm has calmed and it is time to re-enter life and enjoy the moments in between.

Let your family master the art of “survival mode”. Give yourself permission to be like every other family out there. Let things slide and focus on managing the stress level in your home.

Parenthood is suddenly going to look a lot less scary.

Don’t forget to LIKE Nesting Story on Facebook and follow Nesting Story on Instagram, Pinterest and Twitter!