strength

I never, ever, ever thought I would be here. Writing about this topic.

Seperation. Divorce.

But here I am.

The thing is, this has been my reality for about a year. I’ve had time to digest what my new life looks and feels like, and heal my pain, plan for the future and discover who I am now.

I’ve learned that sharing this news with others has a huge impact.

I’ve lived it.

I’ve processed it for a long time.

I’ve watched the faces of family members and close friends as I told them. I’ve watched as jaws have dropped or tightened, tears have fallen, and hands have gripped the arms of chairs.

I’ve heard how many of those close to me have lost a lot of sleep over this news.

I’ve had therapy, lots and lots of therapy. I’ve healed.

This kind of change impacts those around me. Both in person and my online community.

In the beginning I took care of other people moving through this too. I consoled them. But I ultimately realized that I can’t keep giving my precious energy away so easily when my kids and I so badly need that scarce commodity.

So I took the time. The time we needed.

Now I can share.

I can share the pain.

I can share the beauty. Yes, a lot of this story is about the beauty that popped up in the most unexpected ways during this season of life.

I have felt emotional pain that was 1000 times worse than childbirth during this ending. I have watched the world around me burn and have questioned my own reality.

But I rose from the ashes. I fought through it and emerged stronger than ever.

Here’s thing… since making the decision, I am GOOD.

I am thriving.

I know, how is that even possible, right? But it’s the truth. I have consumed so many articles, and movies, and podcasts, and songs, and TV series about divorce and break-ups.

Although I have related to SO MANY elements of these stories, there were two things that stood out to me as very different than mine, and not often shared.

First, I am SURE about this new chapter. I am okay.

Second, it doesn’t have to go toxic. We wouldn’t allow it. Kindness, compassion and my four kids were kept in the forefront. Maybe Gwenyth was right with the whole “conscious uncoupling” thing. Who knew!

I am thankful that I took that year to privately move through that season of life with my family and close friends before sharing about it with my online community. My kids and I took the time to heal, find ourselves, grow and become more resilient than ever.

The page has been turned. My next chapter has begun. It is bright, and exciting, and full of life.

So, so many of you have reached out to me since I began sharing about this journey in the spring. I am planning on sharing more here and there about my personal growth through this experience, while keeping my family’s privacy. So, stay tuned and be sure to follow me on Instagram to stay updated.