separation

Co-Parenting at Christmas: How We Make It Work (and Actually Enjoy It)

Co-parenting at Christmas can feel like a puzzle… one with a lot of emotions, logistics, and moving pieces. Between Ben and I, we have five kids, and over the years we’ve learned that the holidays can be both beautiful and complicated. Today, I wanted to share how we divide the Christmas break, what’s worked for us, what hasn’t, and the mindset shifts that have helped everyone (kids and parents) feel grounded.

How We Divide Christmas Break

We split the school Christmas break right down the middle, and take turns each year on who gets the first week vs. the second. It’s simple, predictable, and helps everyone plan.

Pros:

  • The kids get double the magic: gifts, meals, traditions, and attention.
  • Ben and I get rare, extended time alone over the holidays, which has honestly helped us reconnect, reset, and start the new year grounded together.
  • It gives the kids space to fully enjoy both homes without pressure.

Cons:

  • It’s a busy couple of weeks for everyone.
  • There’s more travel than the kids sometimes want.
  • And for parents, especially at first, the quiet house can feel really heavy. Missing your kids on big days is normal, and it takes time to adjust.

How We Approach Christmas Itself

Our system is simple and has worked beautifully:

  • One parent has Christmas Eve and Christmas morning until around 10 a.m.
  • Then the kids head to the other house for Christmas morning round two and Christmas dinner.
  • My kids’ dad’s family also celebrates on Boxing Day, and no matter how we split the week, I like to have the kids back there for that… it’s important to them, and to us.
  • New Year’s is flexible and usually goes to whoever has that week, but we adjust if someone wants to do something special.

We coordinate Christmas lists to avoid overlap, and we keep expectations loose and kid-focused. We do have a co-parenting agreement, but honestly? We mostly lead with intuition, flexibility, and communication.

We’re extremely lucky… all four parents made the conscious decision to put personal feelings aside and prioritize the kids, and that has made all the difference.

Supporting Kids Through Holiday Transitions

Even when everything is functioning well, Christmas can be emotionally overwhelming for kids. Some things that help:

  • Prep them early. Let them know the schedule ahead of time.
  • Keep transitions calm and predictable. Rushed hand-offs can heighten emotion.
  • Validate their feelings. Excited, sad, tired, overstimulated… it’s all real.
  • Anchor them with small rituals. Hot chocolate after drop-off, reading a favourite book, or a cozy movie night.
  • Don’t overschedule. Protect downtime so they can decompress.

Supporting Yourself Through It

If you’re newly navigating co-parenting at Christmas, please hear this: it’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to feel all the things.

A few things that help:

  • Create new traditions. Something that belongs to you and your home.
  • Plan a small project. A room refresh, deep clean, or organizing task you want to do.
  • But don’t pressure yourself. If you’re depleted, rest.
  • Build in joy. Coffee dates with friends, a new book, a long bath, a walk with a podcast.
  • Do something fun and out of the ordinary. This year, Ben and I are going to puppy yoga while the kids are away… a date that is pure serotonin.

Co-parenting at Christmas isn’t always easy, but with flexibility, communication, and a kid-first mindset, it can be beautiful. Our blended family is proof.

If you want to hear the more personal side… what my first Christmas split was really like and how much my mindset has changed… I shared the full story on Patreon.

The Page Has Been Turned.

I never, ever, ever thought I would be here. Writing about this topic.

Seperation. Divorce.

But here I am.

The thing is, this has been my reality for about a year. I’ve had time to digest what my new life looks and feels like, and heal my pain, plan for the future and discover who I am now.

I’ve learned that sharing this news with others has a huge impact.

I’ve lived it.

I’ve processed it for a long time.

I’ve watched the faces of family members and close friends as I told them. I’ve watched as jaws have dropped or tightened, tears have fallen, and hands have gripped the arms of chairs.

I’ve heard how many of those close to me have lost a lot of sleep over this news.

I’ve had therapy, lots and lots of therapy. I’ve healed.

This kind of change impacts those around me. Both in person and my online community.

In the beginning I took care of other people moving through this too. I consoled them. But I ultimately realized that I can’t keep giving my precious energy away so easily when my kids and I so badly need that scarce commodity.

So I took the time. The time we needed.

Now I can share.

I can share the pain.

I can share the beauty. Yes, a lot of this story is about the beauty that popped up in the most unexpected ways during this season of life.

I have felt emotional pain that was 1000 times worse than childbirth during this ending. I have watched the world around me burn and have questioned my own reality.

But I rose from the ashes. I fought through it and emerged stronger than ever.

Here’s thing… since making the decision, I am GOOD.

I am thriving.

I know, how is that even possible, right? But it’s the truth. I have consumed so many articles, and movies, and podcasts, and songs, and TV series about divorce and break-ups.

Although I have related to SO MANY elements of these stories, there were two things that stood out to me as very different than mine, and not often shared.

First, I am SURE about this new chapter. I am okay.

Second, it doesn’t have to go toxic. We wouldn’t allow it. Kindness, compassion and my four kids were kept in the forefront. Maybe Gwenyth was right with the whole “conscious uncoupling” thing. Who knew!

I am thankful that I took that year to privately move through that season of life with my family and close friends before sharing about it with my online community. My kids and I took the time to heal, find ourselves, grow and become more resilient than ever.

The page has been turned. My next chapter has begun. It is bright, and exciting, and full of life.

So, so many of you have reached out to me since I began sharing about this journey in the spring. I am planning on sharing more here and there about my personal growth through this experience, while keeping my family’s privacy. So, stay tuned and be sure to follow me on Instagram to stay updated.