Week two of school and the honeymoon is over

Hiding from my kids

Yesterday at 6pm I had enough. I had a decision to make, either I let the tears come, as I felt them bubble to the surface, hot behind my eyes, or I just walk away and hide from my family.

I chose to walk away.

I put down the cooked chicken I was cradling in my hands, turned and walked out of my kitchen, away from my family. I was careful to be soft on my feet as I went upstairs, so that it was clear that I wasn’t angry at my kids or my husband, I just needed a minute. I walked along my hall ignoring toys scattered around me, through my bedroom, past the laundry basket of my clean clothes that I hadn’t had time to put away and straight into my bathroom, locking the door behind me.

I gathered up some towels, making a comfy-enough nest on the ground and collapsed into the quietness.

About twenty minutes later, after some much-needed, mindless scrolling through my phone and realized that my towel nest wasn’t protecting my sensitive (birthed four kids and twins) hips from the cold tile floor very well. So I hoisted myself up and went back downstairs determined to make it through the school night.

What had led up to this point?

It was a combination of things… our dog escaping and running down the street before taking our kids to school, meltdown after meltdown from our twins after school, the many forms that I had to fill out which seemed to be coming home daily, the lunches to make, the kids to dress, the playdates to organize, the evening chats about friends, the bedtimes…

On top of it all I was now juggling less work hours during the day with more deadlines than ever flowing in.

But, it was the chicken that was my tipping point. Remember the chicken?

Earlier that day I had ignored my messy house around me and proudly stared at our rare, empty sink without even one dirty dish in it. I had decided to go pick up a pre-made chicken from the grocery store to avoid new dirty dishes. Well, because it was earlier in the day, I had to refrigerate the cooked chicken, and when Mike arrived home, and I was completely spent, he made a comment about me refrigerating it, which to him wasn’t ideal.

Ughhhh…. I was done.

I am writing this the next day, a new day. Although I still feel spread too thin, and I am bracing for the after school chaos, I am determined to figure out our new normal. I know that this is the hard part, and we have to figure out how we can swing this and what our rhythm will be. But I know we will get there.

So if you are in the second week of school trenches with me, hang in the mama, and don’t forget, it is okay to take a few quiet minutes for yourself.