Honestly, This Is What It Feels Like To Be A Mom To Twins

joanna085The day I found out I was expecting twins, my mind exploded into a million different directions. I almost couldn’t fully comprehend the news. My hands shook and my body shivered as I tried to wrap my mind around this unexpected future ahead of me.

After being a mom to two singletons, I had no idea what to expect being a mother to twins. I knew so little about the challenges twin moms face, and how my life would really be impacted, good or bad.

Honestly, having twins has both broken me, and made me stronger than I had ever thought possible. Other than hearing the typical twin mom rants about the bizarre and often inappropriate things strangers say, I don’t really think that people can really understand what being a twin mom feels like.

Here is my experience…

The Spectacle
I think for every mom, finding out they are expecting more than one baby, one of the first things they realize is that they are now a spectacle.

A side show.

From the excitement that comes once the announcement is made, to your body and the invasive curiosity you experience, your private life, as you know it, is over.

I made the decision early on to ride the wave and play the fun “let’s shock them card.” When people made comments about having my hands full, I loved (and still do) watching their faces when I dropped the bomb that I also have two more kids. When people were curious how my body was adapting to two humans growing inside, I would flash my belly and get it over with.

Then there’s life after pregnancy.

By this point I was kind of over the attention and quickly mastered the art of avoiding eye contact and quick grocery shopping excursions.

However you handle it, there is no way around it. People are naturally curious about everything twins.

The Loneliness
Once the initial shock-and-awe dust settled and the morning sickness and reality of two on the way sunk in, I was finding myself feeling eerily alone. I was surrounded by mothers, each with multiple children, but I quickly realized that when you are pregnant with twins, you just want to be around other people who have been there and can relate.

This feeling of wanting to be surrounded by your multiples tribe doesn’t disappear after your babies are born. You long for other people who get it. Get the exhaustion and the pain and how much you are constantly giving of yourself.

The Determination
When I was pregnant with my twins I received a long email from a twin mother who a family member had reached out to for me. This, I thought, was the connection I had been craving.

As I read her email filled with negativity, preparing me to give up everything, plan to not step foot out of my house for at least a year and prepare my husband to be woken up for every feeding, a fire lit within me.

“Thank you twin mama,” I thought to myself, “you have just set the bar that I will be hurdling over.”

From that point on I researched like crazy from my couch. I watched YouTube videos on how to tandem breastfeed twins and I read every book possible and highlighted any tip that would give me independence.

I was a twin mama on a mission. Guess what? All of that research, planning and even rehearsing in our twins’ empty nursery paid off. I killed it from day one, and I couldn’t get rid of the help I had set up fast enough.

The Pain
In my life I have endured my fair share of pain. I have had stitches, a broken ankle, back injuries, given birth vaginally twice and have had major surgery. But nothing can compare you for the constant agony of your body shifting organs and moving bones to house more than one baby.

It’s not the intensity, but the endless affliction that other than giving birth, there is no relief from. From the pain in my hips, to the heartburn that can only be described as blades being swallowed, almost broke me.

But I persevered. I moved from bed to bath and then to bed and bath again and again. I clenched my teeth when I had to stand longer than five minutes and braced myself when I’d have to go up a flight of stairs, ready for the inevitable black-out.

But going through that kind of constant pain for so long does something to a person. I would compare my current pain tolerance to super powers.

The Triumph
It’s not just cause for celebration when your babies are born, every week passed during a twin pregnancy is a milestone. The day my girls were out of my body, I sat and watched, filled with satisfaction as my family and friends passed them around.

I had done it. I created these two beings.

The pregnancy was a marathon and I had crossed the finish. No one can ever take that feeling away from me.

The Isolation
Getting out the door with twins is doable. But is it always worth it? Going out without help, even to this day is a major challenge, and sometimes I opt-out because I know I am setting myself up for a disaster.

The isolation when you are a parent to multiples is inevitable. But I have found my peace with it. I have mastered many scenarios on my own, but there are just some situations I honestly think “why bother.”

The Frustration
The thing is, I am okay with sticking to my rigid rules, like bedtimes, schedules and opting out of participating in some events. I know that the backlash from messing with a twins’ schedule is hell compared to when it’s just one baby.

What is frustrating is the other people. The people that don’t get it. The people that think they know better because they’ve popped out a few kids. But what they don’t get is when your baby won’t sleep, or wakes screaming, there is about a 95% chance that their twin will too.

Unlike the other people’s children that are different ages, at different stages and need different things, you have to make a choice…

The Choices
Almost everyday as a twin mom is like a scene out of Sophie’s Choice. Both cry… who is currently my favourite? Haha, no. That isn’t how it goes.

But yes, you have constant difficult choices to make and many of them involve choosing one twin over the other. How do I do it?

I start by triaging the situation. Who was the original cryer? Is someone faking it? Who is dirtier/hungrier/in more pain? Is one of the cryers at risk for making themselves throw up?

All three of us have thankfully learned that this is the way it has to be and my twins have the kind of patience my older kids will never know.

The Efficiency
I don’t think that there is a person alive who is as efficient as a mom of multiples. We know how to so many things at once it would blow your mind.

It’s not possible to double up? We have also nailed the art of creating an assembly line.

Oh, and don’t forget the body parts. My legs, feet, elbows and chin have finally found their purpose in life, post twins. I am pretty sure moms of singletons still use their hands for everything… ptff… amateurs .

The Pride
Honestly, growing, birthing and raising twins is the most impressive, selfless, bravest thing I have ever done. I still look at my girls and examine their perfect little fingers, toes and ears and think what an amazing thing my body has done.

The fact that countless things had to go right to create my girls is not lost on me for one second.

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What It Is Like Being Pregnant With Twins – My Personal Journey

collageThere is a curiosity about a pregnancy with multiples.  It’s understandable.  A body is creating more than one person at once.  Not only is there the mind blowing fact that (in my case) multiple eggs have been fertilized, your body then knows to create two placentas, two amniotic sacs, more blood, more amniotic fluid and your skin and muscles can stretch and stretch!  It truly is amazing. I have read that people who’s bodies produce multiples are more evolved than others.   I am not sure if I buy that.  I personally think that God has a hand in every pregnancy, one baby or more.

When I was told that not only was I finally pregnant after a year of struggling with secondary infertility but there were in fact two little people growing inside of me, fear didn’t set in.  At least not until later in my pregnancy when I could barely move without fainting and I knew that I had two older children depending on me.  But the idea of twins joining our family only brought myself and my husband Mike feelings of joy and excitement.  For the first couple weeks I assumed I was in shock and that the fear would come… it never did.

Before knowing I was pregnant I had suffered from a bout of stomach flu.  I thought it had passed and then come back again.  Then the nausea wasn’t lifting.  When the pregnancy test came back positive it explained the nausea.  Only this was very different from my two previous singleton pregnancies (that’s lingo for carrying one baby – you become fluent with these terms when pregnant with multiples).  When pregnant with my older two the nausea would come in waves.  Often triggered by smells; meat, perfume and cigarettes. But this time the nausea was unrelenting.  It was also getting worse every day and contrary to the term “morning sickness” it would go into overdrive starting at 4pm and by the time 9pm rolled around I was having my daily vomit session before bed which would bring just enough relief to get through the night.  I remember calling my mom crying saying this was nothing like my previous pregnancies which I had enjoyed.  We chalked it up to me now being in my thirties this time around.

Twins had never crossed my mind in my previous pregnancies.  Most of my friends had commented about the thought of twins before heading in for an ultrasound, but I never did. But this pregnancy there were a couple of times I commented to Mike in passing, “maybe it’s twins”.  Then we would quickly dismiss that thought because when I had my multiple pregnancy blood tests week 4 there were no unusual levels with my HCG levels (we had started to explore my infertility before getting pregnant hence the extra tests).  Even the morning before my 7 week ultrasound I commented again about the possibility of twins because of my nausea.  Mike nicely said to put that thought out of my head.  But after peeking at my ultrasound after my tight lipped technician left the room and saw what looked like owl eyes (two sacs) staring back at me my heart started to race.  Once taken into a private room and an exceedingly kind nurse explained that I was pregnant with di-di twins (dichorinic/diamniotic which means separate sacs, separate placentas and they don’t share blood vessels, again more twin lingo).  I was reassured that this was the safest type of twins to carry and that most likely they would be fraternal but because they were spontaneous that there was a very small chance that a fertilized egg has split really early creating identical twins… something that we wouldn’t be able to confirm until they were born.

One of the first things I did after finding out we were expecting twins was search the internet for pregnancy belly photos with twins.  I wanted to see what a freak show I would become.  While scouring Pinterest and other websites I came across a variety of belly shapes.  Pointy, wide, low… it truly became an obsession of mine.  I had been through two singleton pregnancies and I thought I was huge then.  I just couldn’t fathom that my body could possibly carry two babies!

collage 7By 15 weeks my nausea finally subsided (It popped up again from 35 weeks on).  I had a brief few weeks of feeling somewhat normal before my next biggest symptom set in: braxton hicks contractions.  Mike and I had the opportunity to head to Las Vegas when I was 18 weeks and my braxton hicks contractions were brutal!  Las Vegas is a walking place.  Even in the Bellagio where we were staying it takes about 10 hours to get from the lobby to where our room was.  The braxton hicks contractions would start up and feel like a vice on my tummy.  I had always read that braxton hicks contractions would only last for a moment but I found that mine would set in as soon as I was on my feet and not relax until I sat down.  I was very careful to rest a lot.

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My version of a maternity vegas outfit complete with sparkly bling!

Although we thought I had to wait until my 18 week ultrasound what our babies’ sex were (I was convinced it was one boy and one girl) we got a huge surprise at my 16 week ultrasound… both were girls!!!  twins

Once I got past 20 weeks the weight of my belly was incredible.  This was the point that I was connecting with other twin mamas online and the most common horrible symptom we were all experiencing was excruciating hip pain.  I used a super sexy support belt which helped take the weight off of my hips but near the end of my pregnancy I had to stop using it because it was making my wicked heartburn ten times worse.

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My bump would take many shapes. But the biggest difference between carrying twins vs singletons was I always felt “high” and “low” at the same time. I was rocking an egg shape. For the last six weeks of my pregnancy baby A (Mia) was taking up all of the real estate pushing baby B (Everly) up and to the left, past my ribs. Poor thing!IMG_0780

There were days of my pregnancy that I was fighting depression.  Between the crippling nausea in my first trimester to the chronic pain I experienced the rest of my pregnancy there truly were some dark days.  It didn’t help that the first half of my pregnancy I was very isolated inside with bored children trying to survive one of the most brutal winters Canada has seen in years.  I tried to pamper myself as much as possible and emerged myself in TV series after TV series.  Later in my pregnancy I started feeling like my entire day consisted of moving from bed to sofa to bath to bed to bath to sofa and so on.  The two things that got me through those last weeks were getting outside in the sunshine (even if it was just lounging by a pool while eating and watching everyone else have fun) and my weekly ultrasounds and non-stress-tests reminding me that all of this suffering was for a very good reason.IMG_0793

Oh and pedicures… lots and lots of pedicures!IMG_0894

I started to get creative with my parenting.  Although I was getting a lot of help from family when Holden wasn’t at school and Beau wasn’t at nursery school there would still be a few hours a day while Mike was at work that I had to parent on my own.  I would make everyone snacks and the kids beds on the floor while we would enjoy a movie together.  That way I could rest with a pillow between my knees to get a bit of relief.IMG_0455

Walking up the stairs would put my heart into overdrive and I came very close to fainting multiple times a day.  I was experiencing pre-syncope (almost fainting) and feeling like my heart was going to explode brought me into the hospital a few times around 33 weeks and I was subjected to a battery of tests.  In the end it showed that my heart was having runs (racing) at times but the babies were thriving so I had to keep on trucking.  The weight of my belly forced me to stay off my feet almost all the time… even in the shower I had to sit on the floor.  It was very hard!photo-9

 This is my attempt at a selfie facelift

By 35 weeks I had a couple of really scary episodes of pre-syncope while driving complete with tunnel vision.  I decided that I couldn’t drive any more during my pregnancy and relied on my husband, family and friends to drive me to my remainder of ultrasounds and doctor’s appointments.

During my last week of pregnancy we went out for dinner with friends and headed to an upscale restaurant. After moving us twice because my belly wouldn’t fit into their booths we scored free dessert.  But watching those little feet and fists poke out and react when I poked back made it all worth it.

I finally made it full term.  I truly believe that if I hadn’t had all of that pain that forced me to be off my feet almost all of the time I wouldn’t have made it as far as I did.  It was nature’s way of saying SLOW DOWN!  The relief that I had after my girls arrived via scheduled c section at 37 weeks 4 days was incredible!  As soon as the doctor pulled each baby out and held them up we could see that they were so different from each other and we knew that they were fraternal.  Today I am grateful that I suffered so much during my pregnancy because even on the days when our twin baby girls are fussy and don’t want to sleep, it feels easy compared to when I was pregnant with them!

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It was so important for me to write this blog post with as much detail as possible.  When I was pregnant with our twins I searched high and low to find a complete twin pregnancy story from a personal perspective instead of snippets here and there.  I hope that this story of my journey with our girls can help other twin mamas to prepare for what’s ahead.  Please feel free to ask me any questions you might have about being pregnant with twins either in the comments section below or via email at info@nestingstory.ca and I would be happy to answer as best I can!   I have blogged about the birth of our girls you can find here.  Please don’t forget to subscribe to Nesting Story and follow on Facebook and Instagram!SMP017

I want to dedicate this post to our families.  You were just as dedicated to this challenge as we were and we could not have done it without your help!  Thank you for helping us bring Mia and Everly into this world!