parenting Archives - Page 8 of 9

Leaving My Family Is Good For My Marriage

I left my family for a few days, and it feels amazing. I have slowed down, eaten hot meals at my own pace and have enjoyed both talking to adults and enjoying the silence of my hotel room… heaven.

I am off at a blogging conference a couple hours away from my home, at BlissDom Canada. I am here networking, learning and being inspired. These are my people.

Enjoying the picturesque sights at Blue Mountain Village in Collingwood, Ontario

If you have been following my blog, you would know that the last few months have been a tad stressful. Ha! More like can’t catch a breath, feeling like I am drowning stress. Between my kids being sick, living with two toddlers, plus two big kids and all that goes into making lunches, meals, giving baths, playing, cuddling and school drop offs, while running my blog… it’s been wild.

I have been trying to express to my husband, Mike, the level of exhaustion and stress I have been experiencing. Although he has somewhat been hearing me, the magnitude of what my life is at the moment has now sunk in for him in a deliciously real way.

Let me present the series of texts that I have received from him in the past 24 hours… (yes, I have his permission to share these).

The text above was during the last stretch of getting our four kids to bed last night. Here is the text I read when I woke up this morning, that he had sent me in the middle of the night:

and…

If you are a mother, you probably get that hearing these words is so incredibly affirming. Hearing this also makes me feel relieved, knowing that I am, in fact, not crazy. Because let me tell you, there are days where I feel like I am losing my marbles.

I think it is so important for moms to leave their families for a brief time (even if it is just for a few hours) to get a mental break. If possible, have your spouse or significant other step into your shoes.

Although I am loving my time away, I cannot wait to arrive home and re-join the incredible team I am on.

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Having Four Kids Can Be Brutal Sometimes… Especially When Everyone Is Sick

Holy crap, I am a mom of four! I am fourteen months into being a mom of four, but I feel like it is really sinking in once again. For the past week, illness has been ripping through our home. There is nothing like having five members of your family to drop like flies. I am the last one standing.

Let’s back up a week. I had been feeling a little stressed. I don’t have any childcare until November, and the weight of trying to get everything done each day was making me feel like I couldn’t catch a break. Although I had successfully calmed the anxiety I had been feeling, but I was starting to pity myself a little too much. This was kindly pointed out to me by Mike, the day after we went out on a date, and I complained the entire time. He told me very nicely that I need to stop complaining and start being more proactive, especially about getting out with the kids so that I am not as isolated.

After being ticked, because he dared to tell me I could change my own situation, it sunk in a little and I decided to yank myself out of my pity spiral and take control. I put plans in place for a week of outings with the kids, a lunch with some friends and a date night with Mike. Monday rolled around and I packed all of the kids up to go pick up pumpkins for our Thanksgiving (we are in Canada) dinner we were going to be hosting. We had a really fun time, and I felt pretty great that I was getting out with everyone. But on the drive home Beau started to complain that she didn’t feel well. And a couple hours later she was violently ill and could barely move.

Little did I know that this was just the beginning of two separate illnesses bouncing around our home for a week. A stomach flu and a bad cold. It went from Beau, to Mia, back to Beau, to Mike, to Everly and then Holden. There were even a couple days that Beau had been fine, so I sent her to school, only to be called 30 minutes later because I had to pick her up because she had been sick. Ugh!

Having one or two sick twins that share a room throws a wrench into everything. You worry about them waking their sibling and we eventually found that we had to remove the sick, crying twin to let the other fall asleep. Eventually we were able to put the sick twin back into their crib without a melt-down. But this would be a long process.
Everly and Mia each had us pull all-nighters, and because we are not spring chickens anymore like our college years, this sleep deprivation hit us hard!

This is what 3 a.m. in our home looks like, just in case you were wondering.

By Wednesday afternoon I was so tired, so frustrated and so isolated, that I started to unravel. In fact, I believe the words I uttered to my mother when help finally arrived were “I never signed up for this! I went from two kids to four and never got to experience having three kids. I am done!” Obviously I love my family very much and wouldn’t change a thing, but mentally and emotionally I needed a break.

I was able to still make it out for my lunch with my friends because Mike could see that I was cracking and took some time off of work. We also made it out for a quick date night. Both of these outings were just enough to regain my sanity, recharge and be there for my family.

What happened to our Thanksgiving dinner? We pulled the plug and cancelled. Our family was very understanding and decided to move it to a restaurant. Holden, Beau and I were able to join in as well. Every once and a while, I get a wake-up call that I do, indeed have four children. This was one of those times. I am learning that especially while everyone is so young, to embrace survival mode when necessary, and to also be very protective of any breaks I can grab.

The clouds are finally parting and everyone is starting to sleep more and we are able to re-enter life again. We are back to our daily to-do lists, play time and giggles. I have come out on the other side of this week, being humbled by the enormous responsibility of caring for these precious four children, but also feeling stronger and more confident as a mother.

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9 Steps That Reduced My Anxiety And Helped Me Enjoy Parenting Again

Have you ever felt like the stress of parenting some days might actually break you? That the waves keep coming and you can’t seem to keep your head above water anymore? Recently, I felt like the stress of parenting, AND working from home, AND caring for myself, AND breathing life into all of the important relationships in my life were becoming too much.

In the past, I had been able to shake off the stress and move on from an epic temper tantrum from one of my kids or my day not going like I had planned. But over the past few months it was like my protective emotional armour had fallen off and every bit of daily stress would pile one on top of the other, until by the end of the day I had such a weight on my chest I could barely breathe.

I knew something had to change and I had to be very deliberate about how I was going to properly tackle this problem. I needed to get to the root of what was going on and find a long term solution…

1. I took a step back and looked at my life. I knew that the biggest thing that spun my world off of it’s axis was our daughter, Beau’s recent struggles with anxiety and some behaviour problems she was having. But despite how much I was trying to help her, things just weren’t improving. It wasn’t until I took a step back and looked at every aspect of my life and my family that I could see the bigger picture as to what was going on.

2. I listed everything that was stressful and not working. I went ahead and listed every source of stress I could think of. Beau’s anxiety (which was causing me to worry endlessly), me working too much, our childcare situations were creating problems, I was lonely, I was burnt out and I had not been taking care of myself. My husband Mike was a great sounding board. In fact he should get a medal for how much he listened to me so intently vent each evening while working through this crisis.

3. I identified what was in my power to change. This was something my own mother taught me while I was in college and was experiencing anxiety. She would say, “what on your list of stress is in your power to change, or take off your plate?” After repeating these words of wisdom to myself over and over again for at least a week, I started to take charge and make a plan of attack.

4. I got rid of anything that wasn’t good for our family. Although I knew that I had so much childcare (daycare for beau and a part-time nanny for our twins) in place so that I could keep taking on all of the work that kept coming my way and continue growing my business. But everyday Beau was leaving the house kicking and screaming not wanting to go to daycare. Although she had once raced out the door to because she couldn’t wait to go, at some point something had shifted. I decided to take Beau out and give her a break before she was to start kindergarten.

Another problem was that although our childcare situation once worked for our twins and myself, it wasn’t the best fit anymore. I made the decision to make a big change and find something that fit us better.

5. I scaled back and created balance. I thought long and hard about what projects and commitments really fit with myself and our family and which ones didn’t. I have learned to say no occasionally, and zero in on what was most important to me.

6. I got help. Mike and I finally made the decision to get help with Beau. We contacted our local support program for families and children who were struggling with behavioural and mental health issues. It only took one meeting with them and Mike and I to have our eyes opened. This quickly got us on the same parenting page and helped us understand what Beau was going through.

I also saw a counsellor. I talked (a lot) about how I was finding it hard to balance everything. As I sat there rambling, I kept solving my own problems. I realized that I needed to focus and create a routine for myself and stick to it.

7. I sleep trained myself. During the summer I had fallen off track with my early morning workout routine. I started staying up late and sleeping in. The kids were the ones waking me up and I was being thrown right into parenting. I have made the conscious effort to go to bed earlier and wake up early. WOW! This has probably made the biggest difference of all.

I enjoyed the lazy mornings of summer, indulged in all the yummy food and now it’s time to get back into my a.m. Morning workout routine. I actually have been sleep training myself for the past week going to bed at 10 p.m. Instead of 11:30 p.m. and waking up earlier and earlier. Today I was wide awake and ready to workout early. I had forgotten how doing this for myself is not only good for my body but my mind as well. ☀️💪 #fitmom #fit #workout #workoutroutine #goodmorning #routine #momlife #reduceanxiety #mynewbodyafterbaby #loveyourself #youllthankyourselflater

A photo posted by Joanna (@nestingstory) on Sep 6, 2015 at 3:56am PDT

8. I gave more attention to the important relationships in my life. Whenever I get anxious I tend to shut people out. This then makes me more lonely which in turn, makes me more anxious. I forced myself to reach out and start getting together with other moms more. I also made the effort to get a babysitter occasionally so that Mike and I could get out on real dates. We have rediscovered our love for going out to the movies instead of constantly falling down the Netflix rabbit hole.

9. I gave myself a break. During my anxious couple of months I found myself worrying a ridiculous amount about deadlines, my weight and housework. I started to put things into perspective more, stop obsessing and just do.

I also started to carve more time out of my day to just veg and watch TV, read a magazine and do NOTHING! I threw the guilt out the window and reminded myself that if I don’t do this I will burn out and be much less productive.

The Single Phrase That Will Help You Survive Parenthood

There is a term in our home that when spoken, everyone knows what it means and how to proceed. That term is “survival mode”. When Mike and I first became parents, and started to experience what true stress was like, my wise mother would say “you need to go into survival mode.”

Survival mode is when you are going through a particularly stressful time, and you have to dump any extra things in your life that isn’t 100% necessary. For example, when our twins were three weeks old and having chronic diarrhea from a fructose intolerance, we survived that sleep deprivation and stress by cutting back on whatever we could. Laundry would get washed, but only make it as far as the laundry basket, never put away. Meals were quick and easy, often being take-out. Our friends and family found that we had suddenly disappeared. Many of us parents tend to strive for this perfection that we naively think is going on behind the closed door of every other household where children reside. Truth: that is not the case.

Sure, we all have weeks when we think, “damn, I am killing it as a parent.” But beware, as soon as those thoughts flood your well-meaning OCD head, your child will wake up vomiting and you will find yourself under strict quarentine with strategically placed “puke bowls” scattered around your home in hopes that your little one might actually learn to aim this time.Your family has to define what “survival mode” means for you, and when it is required. We have had “survival mode” last anywhere from a day to months. Six years in, we know that there will always be moments of crisis or extreme stress. It is part of the package.

My husband and I are seasoned enough now to know that these stressful moment of illness, family crisis, behavioural problems, work deadlines and so on… will always come. But the key is to know when the storm has calmed and it is time to re-enter life and enjoy the moments in between.

Let your family master the art of “survival mode”. Give yourself permission to be like every other family out there. Let things slide and focus on managing the stress level in your home.

Parenthood is suddenly going to look a lot less scary.

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I Am A Baby Hoarder – By Kate Casey

By Kate Casey I am pregnant with my fourth child. Invariably when I am asked how many children I have I get surprised by how many times I am asked whether I am Catholic or a Mormon. I am neither, Ma’am, but thank you for asking an incredibly personal question when we’ve known each other approximately 30 seconds. Perhaps we should also discuss the age I lost my virginity, how I feel about the current President, or my retirement portfolio? Sometimes I am tempted to just answer that I am over-sexed, a suggestion, by the way of a nice elderly woman who stood behind me last month at the check out line at the grocery store.

If you want to get technical I am an Episcopalian baby hoarder.

I love babies. I love having a large family. I like noise in my house.

I am overjoyed at the idea of my kids having three best friends to mutually complain about how much they are constantly annoyed by their parents.

I fully respect anyone’s choice to give sole responsibility of his or her elder care to one child, but in my case I prefer to spread the wealth.

Yes, having a lot of children, especially all under age 6 is chaotic. I don’t get much sleep, my face has rapidly aged, and I don’t have much of a social life, but I am overwhelmed with love. Eventually I will have a long Thanksgiving table filled with smiling faces, even if I have to get the meal catered because I am too exhausted to make it myself.

Kate Casey writes gossip analysis and reality television recaps on her popular site www.loveandknuckles.com. She and her husband and almost four kids live in Newport Beach, California. Connect with Kate on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

Check out Kate’s New Book:

“You Know You Are Pregnant When…: Funny Quotes From Women Who Have Been There,” by pop culture humor writer Kate Casey features quotes from women and husbands from all over the country highlighting the often hilarious things that happen to you when you are growing a baby inside your body including hormonal and body changes, strange food cravings, uncomfortable sex, and having a foggy brain.

You go to Costco for a new refrigerator but leave with two pizzas.
You hug the toilet more than your husband.
You stop shaving your legs for your husband and start shaving them for the OB/GYN.
You have eaten a one-pound bag of Skittles that you keep hidden in your car from your other kids.
You assume everyone wants your urine sample.

The book is now available on Amazon.com.