I Am Still A Person Despite Having Children

Mother of four kids in colourIt took me years to realize it. But I am a person outside of being a mother.

As young as I can remember, I had baby fever. I would mimic my mother of four, while she cared for my baby sister, I would even pretend to breastfeed my dolls. I thought becoming a mom would fill a hole in my heart. That I would be completely satisfied by caring for my own children.

I still went to college and got the fancy big city career, but in the back of my mind, I knew that this was just temporary… until I became a mother.

before kids

Kid-free and carefree

When I was finally pregnant with our first, I would daydream the entire train ride in and out of the city each day. I wouldn’t need anything else. I would stay home and bake, read stories, go on mommy playdates, do bath time and have a beautiful home cooked meal on the table for my husband when he came in the door from work each day.

My husband supported my dream too. So much so, that we put all of our savings into two investment properties, and he worked two jobs, his day job and taking care of our investments, so that I could stay home with our kids.

We welcomed our son into the world and it was time to live my dream.

Only, my dream was not at all what I pictured. My son was not the happiest baby. Don’t get me wrong, he was a great sleeper, and when it was just the two of us, he was fairly content. But add another person to the mix, or dare go out, and he was miserable.

These sensory issues, along with a language delay, eventually became a problem we had to address. I became a warrior mom. I had left myself behind in that train, and I gave my entire being to my son.

But, I didn’t like reading books, especially when he would want to switch halfway through. I dreaded bath time, it was a chore. I slowly stopped going to mommy playdates, partly because my son didn’t enjoy the chaos, and partly because I was bored of talking about my kid to other mothers.

When we found out we had an oops, and another baby was on the way, I didn’t know how to feel. I was in shock. I knew I wanted more kids, but I felt like I hadn’t really nailed the mom thing yet. I was still in the trenches and didn’t know how to get out.

pregnant with my second

My second pregnancy flew by, partly because I was full of anxiety

Three years after becoming a mother I was a shell of a person. I had no identity, other than being the person who cared for two children. I was definitely not the same person I was before having kids.

My husband would come home from work after the sun had gone down, and I would be pacing our upstairs hall. I wanted to scream “get me out of here!”

This was a pivotal point in my journey to becoming a person again. I began to search for a new path. Not my old path, not my mother’s path, or my current path, but a new one. A path that would only fit me.

It took me three more years, one more career, two failed businesses and having twins to get to my custom motherhood path, where I am today. My sweet spot.

I am a part-time stay-at-home mom, full-time entrepreneur. It’s my perfect fit.

attending a conference

Attending a conference

I now know that each mother’s balance and path is different from each other. Some mothers do love every minute of being home with their children. Really, I know some! Others need a stimulating career that may keep them out of their home. We are all good mothers, just different.

But all of us need to establish who we are as a person outside of our kids. Giving ourselves completely to our children will not fill that hole in your heart. There has to be a balance. Every mom has their own unique path, and it is okay to change your direction if your journey isn’t fitting you.

I am a person

You won’t be the same person you were before kids. Trust me, the new person you are is stronger, more caring, empathetic and driven… because you are also a mother.


Recharge, Reboot And Reorganize

image1-2Sometimes life can get away from you. That is what I am discovering and am trying to change. Being away from my life with my four kids for a few days while attending Mom 2.0 Summit is helping me stop, reflect and gain perspective. I am realizing that I am too busy and too disorganized. Whatever routine may have worked a few months ago with myself, Mike, my older kids and our twins is just not fitting us these days. It’s time for a change.

After an exciting and exhausting day yesterday of travel, meeting tons of incredible, strong women and already being inspired about what the future of Nesting Story is going to look like, I am remembering to find that love for my body after babies again.

I woke up this morning very early, (can’t seem to adjust to the time change), and went and worked out as I watched the sunrise. I focused on stretching and some light free-weights as I realized after pulling my back about five times the last fews days, that my goal of being stronger needs more focus.

Another area of life that I am feeling is missing is simple joy. Taking my kids out for a walk. Baking and not being afraid of the calories (just keeping portions in check). Cooking delicious but simple and manageable meals.

I am so excited to be in this new stage in my life. To be in charge of my own body, (something I sometimes forget), and start sculpting my post baby body, not only to fit into the clothes I want it to fit into, but to be able to do the things I used to do. I want to participate in life again, but this time it will be with a new found appreciation.

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The Most Flattering Jeans – By Natalie Borton

collage 1Why has it taken me this long to discover high rise jeans?  I’ve been a low-rise girl since the Britney Spears days, and it’s sort of comical that becoming a mother has turned me on to a high rise cut.  Cliche, really.  But now I totally understand where the phrase “mom jeans” comes from.

Mom or not, high rise jeans are where it’s at, ladies.

Regardless of your shape, this cut is for any body type.  If you have a booty (like myself!), it hugs around the bum and nips in at the waist, emphasizing the beauty of the feminine figure.  And if you have more of boyish shape, your legs will look miles long.

Now the inevitable questions is… which high rise jeans are the best?  There are two brands that really nail it for me – one budget friendly, and one worthy of an investment.

The Budget Buy  I’ve been a longtime fan of American Eagle Jeggings.  They’re affordable, stretchy, flattering and I’ve been a loyal customer since my high school days.  They really fit like a dream, and at less than $50, they’re easy to justify buying.  I recently purchased this pair and have been wearing them nonstop.

DSC_0028The Investment  I can honestly say I’ve never found a more flattering and comfortable pair of jeans.  A few weeks ago, I finally got around to trying on Madewell’s denim and I can’t believe it took me this long.  I went into the store with the intention of testing out the different fits, and I left with two perfect pairs of high waisted skinnies – one classic and one grey.  While American Eagle will always have a piece of my heart and sell my favourite budget-friendly jeans, Madewell takes the cake overall and is well worth the $120+ investment if you ask me.


This article was originally published on Thoughts By Natalie

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