Well, tomorrow is the big day… Mike is getting a vasectomy. That’s right, we are closing up shop. I feel incredibly happy and at peace about closing this chapter. I always wondered if I would truly know when I was done having children, my mom said I would know, and she was right.
I wanted to stop after two kids. Yup, after my entire life dreaming about a family with four children, (I was one of four), I was so burnt out and not “into” motherhood. After having my first two, I was done. I craved life after babies.
That almost broke Mike’s heart. He’s a baby guy. In fact, I call him Mr. Amber alert, because if there is a baby anywhere in our vicinity, there’s a very good chance he will find a way to hold that baby for as long as he is allowed.
Me on the other hand, I loved being pregnant with our first two (non twin pregnancies) and being a mom, to a point. But motherhood was not at all what I pictured and it took me a long time to carve out my own path and figure out my career/mom/wife/being home balance.
After a lot of discussion, Mike and I agreed to take a break for a while after Beau was born, before trying for a third. Then secondary infertility hit. Looking back, that was a gift to me, before becoming spontaneously pregnant with twins. It created just enough longing that I was able to embrace motherhood with four kids, including twins.
For a while there, Mike would have probably gone for a fifth, in hopes for a second boy. But he knew the pregnancy chapter was closed for me and he quickly hopped on board.
Now it is time to start living the next chapter. Diapers, bottles and baby-proofing will soon be a faint memory. I will never again have that flutter of movement in my tummy, the anticipation of finding out our baby’s gender or the excitement of delivering one or two babies. I am honestly okay with this. It’s time to make new memories and start finding out what these little humans are going to become. I am excited to find out who they are and what their passions and goals are.
And that’s pretty damn exciting.