The Demise Of My Friendships After Becoming A Mother

mom colouring with kidsMotherhood. It has added many layers to who I was pre-kids. I have become stronger, more sensitive, intuitive, brave, resilient and resourceful. Although it has added some great qualities to my resume of character, I wouldn’t say that it has all been positive.

Relationships in my life have taken a hit. I try. But reality is, I can’t keep up. My inner circle is my four kids and my husband, and even at times my husband was shoved out. I have worked hard at stealing a little more time each day for him, but then I am at capacity.

The rest of the people in my world either get it, or they don’t. I don’t blame them. I am, at times, a crappy friend.

I go dark.

being a mom and a friend

One week you can text me and I will reply within seconds, being able to keep up a back and forth conversation that will put a smile on my face, remembering how much I miss conversing with another adult.

Other weeks you can text me and I will read half of it, before a piercing cry breaks the silence from the other room and  I have to drop my phone and run. That text often ends up in the graveyard of my relationships.

I’m sorry.

I’m wiping noses, making meals and then remaking them when crusts aren’t wanted and peas are touching the gravy. I’m singing songs and laying beside kids as they fall asleep. I am listening to how days at school went and breaking up fights. I am making it rain in the bath and brushing dirt off of knees outside. I am holding and kissing softly.

mom reading to kids

It won’t always be like this, at least I don’t think it will. But I do know that when the dust settles, the diapers are long gone and all of my kids are more independent, I will look around and see those few people who stuck around.

Some of you… well you are family, so you are kind of obligated to stay, which, to be honest, I might rely on too much. I need to change that.

Others stuck around because this is their life too. They are relieved to know that they aren’t the only one that by the end of the day, they can barely remember large portions of it. They were so many people and they wore so many hats that they can’t even remember who they really are anymore.

For now, I hope that our rare dinners out without kids can do. Because although few and far between, they reset me. They remind me who I was and still am. They remind me what it feels like to laugh and that I am one of many moms who are constantly trying to find the elusive balance.


So, maybe my pool of friends has shrunk significantly since becoming a mother. But I am still here.

I care.

I crave our relationship just as much, and will continue to make plans and reschedule when my kid is sick.

I am in it right now. In the trenches. Don’t give up on me. Please keep throwing that rope down every once and a while, I will keep trying to grab it.

In a couple years when I have re-emerged, and when you are in it, I promise, I will throw that rope to you again and again, even if you occasionally go dark too.

I’m still here, please wait for me.

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11 Moms You MUST Befriend


We all know them and we have seen many types of moms portrayed on TV and in clever ad campaigns. I thought I’d take it a step further. Do you know these mamas? If you can try to snag some mommy friends with these methods, beliefs, situations, thought processes and personalities I can assure you, you will be a better mom for for befriending them!

1.  The Veteran Mama.  This is probably a family member or an old friend that you may have drifted away from when she started having kids while you were still enjoying the freedom of a kidless life.  You probably rolled your eyes at some of her parenting methods while promising yourself you’d do things differently when you have your own kids.  The Veteran mama quickly becomes your hero, lifeline and role model when you have kids of your own.  You admire her clever little tricks to help make everyday life easier and you don’t know where she gets her energy and how she does it all!  Keep this mama close and let her know what a great job she is doing!

2.  The Vegan Mama.  For us carnivores, being vegan is ludicrous.  Why pass up on that juicy steak?  But reality is, there is this whole plant based smorgishborg of deliciousness out there that you don’t even know about.  Vegan mamas are typically creative wizards in the kitchen and can teach you a thing or two about creating some healthier meals for your family.

3. The Dictionary Mama. You want to know something about anything?  She’s your mama.  She’s constantly researching and up to date on new trends whether they are parenting methods or how each school rates in your area.  She probably already knows more about something specific to what you are going through than you do because she has googled it as soon as you have vented or confided in her.  This is because she’s not only there for you, but she can truly understand exactly what you are going through.

4.  The Hippy Mama.  While you are sweating under your nursing cover she’s enjoying the breeze because she wouldn’t dare cover up while nursing.  You look at her confidence and freedom with envy.  The hippy mama is incredibly patient as she wears her baby, cloth diapers, co-sleeps and wouldn’t dare sleep train.  She exudes freedom and while you may not be ready to jump on the crunchy train just yet you may find yourself taking a deep breath and whipping out a boob to nurse in a crowded room on occasion.

5. The New(er) Mama. This is a special friendship. Not only are you paying it forward by answering her texts at 3am with questions about teething but you are also reminding yourself how far you have come, how much you know and how awesome a mama you truly are! Even on those days when you feel you have failed because your kids had crackers and cheese for dinner, you couldn’t possibly face baths and you might have used T.V. to get a few minutes of peace, the guidance you are giving her is a constant reminder that you are doing a damn good job!

6. The Cool Mama. Why bother buying fashion or celebrity gossip magazines when you know the cool mama? She is always sporting the newest trend and is the one who settles the who’s dating who in hollywood debate. She has fantastic fashion advice and is your first choice when you are in the mood to walk the mall while pushing your strollers having a much needed gab!

7. The Holistic Mama. She loves her essential oils and she is a huge natural birth advocate. She can soothe pain, boost an immune system and create cleaning products all from her essential oils and her vast knowledge of natural remedies. This is a very smart and adventurous mama. Even if you may not be a fan of these natural methods, her vast knowledge may come in handy when you least expect it.

8. The Education Guru Mama.  This mama has an incredible relationship with her kid’s teachers, she probably has her kids in some extra tutoring and has set up a semi classroom in her kitchen. This involvement in her children’s education may have stemmed from her child’s previous struggle with learning. But not only did this mama meet this challenge head on, she has made it a priority to help her child not only catchup but enjoy learning. This mama is determined and can be a fantastic resource and example when you encounter your own educational road block.

9. The Laid Back Mama. This is the mama that leads by example. You want to have playdates with her because although she is strict with her kids when necessary, she chooses her battles and there tends to be this non-competative vibe when she’s around. Being around her is like taking a trip to the spa. You leave re-energized and refreshed… if that is even possible after a playdate! Not only is she great for your blood pressure but you will find she’s rubbing off on you when you realize you didn’t get mad when your little one threw the whole roll of toilet paper into the toilet.

10. The Out-going Mama. She’s up for anything, whether it’s a night out for drinks or organizing a Bachelorette betting pool. The out-going mama is typically the glue to your group and is great at forcing you to get out of those sweats, slap on some makeup and break out of your little nest you have created at home. Just when you are on the verge of becoming an agoraphobic she comes to the rescue with a bottle of wine in hand!

11. The Warrior Mama. This mama is incredibly strong, patient, loving, brave and genuine. She has multiple children and one of them has special needs. Although she rarely complains or asks for help she incredibly thankful when she gets a helping hand. This is the mama you want to aspire to be like. If you can have a shred of the patience she has each day, you are doing a great job!

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