Can You Breathe? Making The Final Decision to End My Marriage.

I found this photo as I scrolled through the photos taken around the time that this happened.

When can I breathe? If I stayed in my marriage, or if I ended my marriage?

That was the final question I asked myself before ending it.

I have been asked a lot by people I know in person and people who have reached out online, how did I finally decide? They were on the fence and didn’t know what to do.

Asking myself that question was how.

Ending a marriage, especially with kids is a monumental decision that will have an atomic sized impact on many people in your life. Years later we are sometimes feeling the effects of the blast as if it just happened. So, I want to be clear, I do not talk about this decision lightly.

Looking back it was a slow burn over years. Years of stress, and emotional disconnection and distrust. It took two, and to be honest, we were pummelled by stressful life events to the point where it was getting harder and harder to get up again.

But at the end it was like I was hit by a freight train.

I tried. We tried.

Intense therapy, and attempts at reconnection. We could have gone on like that walking on the tight rope of should we or shouldn’t we for many many years. I think a lot of couples do.

But after realizing that staying wasn’t actually best for my kids because they needed out of the pressure cooker too and to have two happy parents, it was this that question I asked myself that made me step off the tight rope.

The idea of staying felt like I couldn’t breathe. Although terrifying, ending a relationship that was destroying both of us meant I could fill my lungs with air again.

Little did I know that almost immediately after deciding I would also be able to see life in colours I never saw before.

The decision was made. The page had been turned and the pressure that was on my chest for years was gone.

Note: My intention of sharing bits and pieces about this sensitive topic is to help share some of my own tough experiences in the hope that I could help someone else going through something similar. I am very sensitive to make sure I keep my kids and other parties in mind as I share because our family’s goal is to move towards healing and happiness. Although I would so badly like to give individual advice as I receive messages from others going through something similar, I found that when I was doing that I was not able to heal properly. xo

A House Holds Energy, Good and Bad

Beach house

For me a home is much more than a shell. To me a space breathes along with the family that lives inside it. It holds energy, good or bad and memories stick like holograms frozen in time. A home can serve its purpose for a period of time and then once it isn’t, it can keep the people inside it from growing.

Moving for us was necessary. I loved my old big house, but trying to start over again after divorce was impossible. Both for myself and my kids. You cannot just remove a person from a space and press reset. I had hoped we could, but it got harder and harder to exhale.

Our new house signifies so much. A new chapter and a fresh beginning.

The massive trees, open concept and side-split layout drew me in immediately. Plus, it’s near the beach, which is our favourite place to go.

I found this home before I had planned to buy one. But after telling my kids we were moving and showing them this house as an example of what a smaller house could look like, they were sold. This was their house.

I managed expectations and told them that the housing market was insane. But I would try. I did try and unbelievably mine was the only offer! That never happens these days. This meant I was able to get it for the price I wanted, the closing date I wanted and all of the inspections and conditions… again, something that rarely happens these days.

I’m pretty sure it was the unique layout including the fact that I now share a bathroom with my kids that may have turned off other buyers. But for us it’s perfect.

Something I have realized since being the only adult living with my kids is I use my house differently. I want to be closer to them and when they are with me, I want them to be with me.

We are on the other side now and each of us agree that the vibes here are amazing. My kids have told me that they love the light walls, and the layout. That somehow although this house is smaller, it feels bigger than our last house. We are now surrounded by nature and it’s green outside of each window.


I promised myself that I would put my touch on this house and make it exactly what I wanted. Not much has to be done. It’s already pretty gorgeous, but I know exactly how I want it to look and feel and I plan to enjoy and share every step of that with you.

We are so happy.

Welcome to The Beach House.

The Page Has Been Turned.

I never, ever, ever thought I would be here. Writing about this topic.

Seperation. Divorce.

But here I am.

The thing is, this has been my reality for about a year. I’ve had time to digest what my new life looks and feels like, and heal my pain, plan for the future and discover who I am now.

I’ve learned that sharing this news with others has a huge impact.

I’ve lived it.

I’ve processed it for a long time.

I’ve watched the faces of family members and close friends as I told them. I’ve watched as jaws have dropped or tightened, tears have fallen, and hands have gripped the arms of chairs.

I’ve heard how many of those close to me have lost a lot of sleep over this news.

I’ve had therapy, lots and lots of therapy. I’ve healed.

This kind of change impacts those around me. Both in person and my online community.

In the beginning I took care of other people moving through this too. I consoled them. But I ultimately realized that I can’t keep giving my precious energy away so easily when my kids and I so badly need that scarce commodity.

So I took the time. The time we needed.

Now I can share.

I can share the pain.

I can share the beauty. Yes, a lot of this story is about the beauty that popped up in the most unexpected ways during this season of life.

I have felt emotional pain that was 1000 times worse than childbirth during this ending. I have watched the world around me burn and have questioned my own reality.

But I rose from the ashes. I fought through it and emerged stronger than ever.

Here’s thing… since making the decision, I am GOOD.

I am thriving.

I know, how is that even possible, right? But it’s the truth. I have consumed so many articles, and movies, and podcasts, and songs, and TV series about divorce and break-ups.

Although I have related to SO MANY elements of these stories, there were two things that stood out to me as very different than mine, and not often shared.

First, I am SURE about this new chapter. I am okay.

Second, it doesn’t have to go toxic. We wouldn’t allow it. Kindness, compassion and my four kids were kept in the forefront. Maybe Gwenyth was right with the whole “conscious uncoupling” thing. Who knew!

I am thankful that I took that year to privately move through that season of life with my family and close friends before sharing about it with my online community. My kids and I took the time to heal, find ourselves, grow and become more resilient than ever.

The page has been turned. My next chapter has begun. It is bright, and exciting, and full of life.

So, so many of you have reached out to me since I began sharing about this journey in the spring. I am planning on sharing more here and there about my personal growth through this experience, while keeping my family’s privacy. So, stay tuned and be sure to follow me on Instagram to stay updated.

What A Difference A Year Makes. My Final Thoughts Before Heading To Mom 2.0

IMG_3908I had planned on writing a post talking about how excited I am to head to Laguna Niguel, California tomorrow for Mom 2.0, (which I am), and how I will be pressing the reset button, (which I will be doing). But all I can think about leading up to this year’s big blogging conference is my marriage.

Wait, what?

Yes. One year ago my head was still spinning from my recent success with Nesting Story. I was also killing the whole mom with four kids, including twins thing, and by killing it, I mean surviving, because… twins.

But my marriage was… let’s just say, in an odd place.

Mike and I were not just on separate pages, we were in separate books. Yes, he was also killing the dad gig, and yes he was very supportive of my blogging dreams. But we were bickering and fighting more than we realized, and it took our then, six-year-old son to point it out.

We could have gone in so many directions this past year. To be honest, I pictured what life would be like apart. The answer was, pretty terrible.

This is my soulmate, my best friend, my person.

By the summer, we got very real with each other. We began communicating a lot more and each admitting to factors that could be negatively impacting our happiness.

Then came the biggest change. We did something about it.

So often, as busy, working parents, we can talk and talk in circles. But not really do anything about it. We took action.

Starting date night has been a huge part of our change. For us, a weekly date is the perfect amount of reconnecting time. The weeks that we have missed our date night due to schedule conflicts, or sick kids, we feel it. The wall starts to build between us.

Read: Why I am dating my husband again

We have also made some health and weight loss changes together, we each are pursuing more interests, both together and separately. We are also communicating in a kinder way.

So why am I thinking about my marriage the eve of Mom 2.0? A few days ago, when I was under the weather, I walked into our kitchen and there was a gift sitting on the counter.

“What is this?” I asked. “Open it up.” Mike replied. The big kids watched, bursting with excitement.

In it, was a pair of gorgeous rose-shaped, diamond earrings set in rose gold. I was shocked.


“What???? Why????” I asked totally surprised.

“These are for your conference.” Mike told me. “You need something nice to wear. I am so proud of you and I have been wanting to get you something special for a while.”

I later learned that he had gone out multiple times with the kids looking for just the right gift the week before.

This ridiculously beautiful and extravagant gift was coming from the guy I was about to ditch with four kids for four days.

I should also mention that he gave this gift to me on one of our weeks that we had to miss date night and we were a little bit testy with each other.

But this gesture to me is huge. The support he gives and the thought he put into it is incredible.

I am so thankful that a year ago, we chose to fight for our marriage. To take action, not only with each other, but also ourselves.

It is pretty amazing what a difference one year can make.

For the next four days, while attending Mom 2.0 Summit,  I will be learning from inspiring moms and listening to their stories. The scenery is going to be pretty gorgeous too! You can follow my journey on Snapchat, user name: Nesting Story. Don’t forget to follow me on Facebook and Instagram where I will also be sharing moments of my little getaway!