Restaurants, Routine Disruption And Why I’m Not Settling

After an entire week of eating well and taking care of myself, it was time to go away to a work conference. Leading up to going away, I was eating a lot of fresh, balanced meals. I was feeling satisfied, my gut was happy and my last bit of baby weight was starting to melt off.IMG_9123

I was feeling really good. My jeans were fitting better and I splurged for a few new outfits. Shopping wasn’t even that traumatizing. I was able to try on clothes and not feel discouraged.New outfits

From the moment I left on my little trip, I found I had two problems. The first was I was so busy and caught up in the excitement, that I barely took the time to eat healthy snacks or drink enough water. The second, was the pastas, lobster tails, and bacon were all there, ready to be eaten. Not being in control of preparing my own meal, put my self-control to the test. By the time breakfast lunch or dinner rolled around, I was stuffing my face.

Luckily, I mostly found myself reaching for protein and skipping the sugary carbs, but all of the food was very rich.

I did have my moments of self discipline, where I said no to a treat or dessert here and there. FYI I have a huge sweet tooth, so this was big for me.TemptationThese types of treats would typically be my downfall, but I turned my chair away and didn’t indulge!

By the end of my trip I had completely given in and found myself ordering meals that I would never eat at home. BreakfastLuckily my eyes were bigger than my stomach that morning and I only ate half of what is shown here.

Coming home, I have been relieved to find out I only gained one pound while I was away. I have gotten back into making healthy meals again, and I am slowly getting back into incorporating exercise into my daily routine.Healthy pasta salad

I am still on the journey to regain strength lost from my twin pregnancy, and tone the parts of me that are a little softer than I’d like. I have learned how to dress for my new body, and quite frankly, I love who I am right now.

But I also feel that my body deserves more. It has done so much for me. It has created these four beautiful humans and now it is time to give back to it. My tummy after four kidsI am definitely learning that for me, the hardest part to losing the baby weight and living a healthy lifestyle is not letting myself get derailed. I know the right foods to eat, and I know what exercises fit my lifestyle and help me see results.

I will not settle. I just need to continue to keep my eye on the prize, be patient with myself, and make sure my wellness journey comes from a kind place.

Mom life

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What Having Four Kids (Including Twins) Has Done To My Body And My Confidence

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Isn’t it incredible what the human body can do?  Or better yet, what a woman’s body can do?  I have had four children, including twins, in the span of five years.  Yes, my body did that!  Today our youngest, Mia and Everly, are seven months old and I am trying to wake up every morning to work out before everyone else is up.  Most days I succeed and I am actually starting to see my body come back.  But it has been through a war.

Since I was young I struggled with my weight, always being a little on the heavy side.  I would tend to compensate with my bubbly personality and spend a lot of time on my hair and makeup.  Finally, while in college, I reached my goal weight by working out and dieting A LOT.  Back then my sole purpose was to turn heads.  I know, that’s pretty shallow, but it’s true.  I was already dating my now husband Mike, and knew that he would love me whatever size I was, but I still craved walking into a room and having all eyes on me.  collage 3

Although my weight fluctuated, I knew tricks on how to lose 10 pounds scarily fast, especially for our wedding and honeymoon.  I wouldn’t say I ever had an eating disorder, but I know that my weight control was coming from a place where I felt I had to punish my body. collage 4

Getting pregnant and watching my belly grow while expecting our first two kids was so exciting and I was able to drop almost every one of those 50 lbs I gained with each pregnancy… but again it was coming from this negative and frustrating place.collage 6

When I found out I was expecting twins I couldn’t wrap my mind around how enormous I was going to get.  I was already well known for having huge basketball size bellies whenever I was pregnant, but growing two babies at once???  To be honest, I was kind of freaking out about it.  collage 5I finally made the decision that I would disassociate my body from my mind during my twin pregnancy and think of my body as a vessel.  Guess what… that worked!  In-fact anytime I’d start panicking about my size I would say to myself “you are a vessel, you are a vessel”.  It became my mantra.

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I must thank Mike for taking these gems.

Although I coped with my size and weight gain really well during my twin pregnancy, after having my girls was a different story.  My postpartum body was literally bruised and battered.  My distracting enormous but adorable baby bump had been deflated and I was left with mush, bruising, swollen ankles and healing from a c-section.  I had this sadness for my body.  I felt so badly for it with the state it was in and at the same time was so grateful for what it had done.  It had safely created two humans and carried them for 37 weeks and 4 days.  It had been touch and go at times but my body did it!collage 7

I made the decision to be kind to my body from now on.  Eat healthy foods, indulge here and there and not beat myself up about it.  I also wanted to get in shape again, especially knowing I was finished having children.  I would take my time.  But this time is different.  I have simple goals that are for me and no one else.  I want to be strong.  I am over hurting my back when I pick up a baby.  I want to be flexible.  No more pulling my neck while reaching for a pacifier that has fallen under a crib.  I want to go to my closet and feel good in whatever I put on.  No more pulling at waistlines and being limited to leggings (although I will never entirely give up my leggings).  collage 10I get it, I am the thirty-something mom now with four kids and I am really proud of that.  I am so much more confident with my body than I ever have been before.  Anytime I start doubting my new curves or war wounds I look around the room and ask myself, how many other people in this room grew two people inside their body at once?collage 9

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