I Am Burnt Out… With Parenting

I am burnt out.

I’ve hit a wall.

The day in and day out of sameness with parenting without in-person school, kids’ activities or camp is becoming almost impossible.

There. I said it.

I love my kids. Why do us moms feel like we need to say that as a disclaimer when we need to be real for a minute that it is not always laughter and happiness? It goes without saying.

Of course I love my kids.

In fact, as dark as it sounds and probably a bit messed up, anytime my kids question my love, usually when I asked them to go get their own snack or have said no to an unreasonable request, I say “come on, I love you hit by a bus level.” They know that means without a second thought I’d push them out of the way from a bus and take the hit for them. That’s a mother’s love. Effed up or not.

With the disclaimer out of the way now… I am burnt out in the parenting department. Like, I don’t feel like talking to my children right now.

I live in Ontario Canada and we are heading into our last week of virtual school next week… and then home free. You bet your ass I have signed my kids up for camp (which is allowed now). In fact, I just added another week for the first week of summer. So in my mind means I only have a week and a half left in pandemic isolation hell.

Sorry if I am being super blunt here, but it has to be said and I bet I am not the only one feeling like this. I am not burnt out with working out, or unpacking our new house, or working, or gardening, or talking to adults.

It’s the making meals and snacks, cleaning up the kitchen, breaking up fights, finding something to do, arguing about getting schoolwork done, asking for messes to be cleaned up. It’s the daily arguements about getting dressed, brushing teeth, brushing hair and showering even though there’s nowhere to go.

There’s nowhere to go.

But above all… its the constant talking.

Which sounds bad saying it out loud. But as an introvert I need quiet time to recharge. Which I don’t get.

Cue perfect timing; I kid you not, as I wrote the last sentence one of my kids was talking to me and I was staring right as them as I was typing with one airpod in (because music takes the edge off) and then she said, “mom, did you hear what I said?” Honestly, I didn’t retain a thing. My brain is at full capacity.

The other night three out of four of my kids confronted me pretty much telling me that I have been emotionally unavailable to them. It was like a punch in the gut.

It brought me to tears.

The next day I shared this with another solo parent and I got the pep talk I needed. It’s a pandemic, I am doing more now for them than humanly possible, and they need to recognize that and I need to know that in a couple weeks when the pressure valve is finally released that they will get a whole version of me again.

For now, scraps of me is going to have to be enough.

So, parents… if you are burnt out in the parenting department too, and you are robotically replying with blanks stares and “that’s nice” you are absolutely not alone.

Scraps are more than enough after the storm we have sailed our families through this past year. We made it to the other side and never sank.

That’s a win.

Take the win.

I Think Cinderella Was Onto Something

Maybe Cinderella was onto somethingOkay, maybe I am not “trapped” in my mommy world of sweat pants, messy hair, no-makeup, and cleaning up after everyone. But some days I definitely feel isolated, and like I am losing myself while caring for four children.

For the second time, I have had the opportunity to get away for a few days to a blogging conference. While away, I marvel at the moments where I can slow down and enjoy both the quiet and the stimulating conversations. It’s an exhilarating feeling getting to make all of the decisions throughout the day, based solely on my own needs and wants.IMG_9213Since becoming a mother six years ago, I have often struggled to make sure I find the balance between giving enough of me to my children, while not disappearing in the process.

Now, while trying to balance so many people, while simultaneously breathing life into my passion, which also happens to be my business, I again, occasionally find myself slipping away.

Being able to step out of my life for a few days, every few months, gives me a chance to regain my independence and do an assessment on who I am outside of being a mother and a wife. I get to  challenge myself, while brainstorming exciting ideas with other adults. I breathe in the beautiful sights and sounds around me.Blue Mountain, CollingwoodJust for that brief moment, I am me, without the caretaker part. I am reset.

Then the clock strikes midnight, and I head back into my delightful world of chaos, squeals, cuddles, cries, giggles, kisses and so much love.Mother

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Pressing The Reset Button And Stepping Out Of My Life For A Few Days

IMG_5021Life has been insane lately. No, wait, insane is an understatement. Let’s try out-of-body, stressful, stupid busy, upside-down and chaotic. From the moment we found out twins were on the way, on December 23, 2013, life has been a dramatic roller coaster.

Wow, over a year of a bedridden pregnancy, a twin delivery and recovery, parenting four kids, getting used to a new family dynamic, marriage relationship adjustments and attention-giving, postpartum depression and recovery, going viral, trying to create a business, deciding if we renovate or move and all of the little moments in-between, I am EXHAUSTED!

I know that this is how life can be and I have had so many incredible and extraordinary things happen in my life, which I am very grateful for and humbled by. But I am starting to feel like the last bit of creativity, optimism and sparkle have been scooped out of me. You know, those parts of you that are the extra bits that make you, you?

I am starting to wander around in my little world, going through the motions, barely answering emails or texts or comments. Not cooking, not getting out of my sweats and feeling almost robotic.

No, I don’t think I am depressed, which I am far too familiar with. Fortunately, when I have suffered from depression in the past, I have gotten help and I now have the tools to help me not go too far down that rabbit hole. I would say I am the definition of BURNT OUT.

Tomorrow I am flying to Phoenix, for three days, all by myself, to attend Mom 2.0 Summit, which is a premier mom blogging conference.

The timing couldn’t be better.

As you probably know by now, I am a very visual person. So I am picturing this large hand reaching down and plucking me out of my life and placing me in a highly creative, inspiring and independent situation where I can reflect, recharge and gain perspective.

Of course I am going to miss my kids and Mike, but I think this is exactly what I need right now.

I am going to blog about my experience there as well as what it is like leaving my family behind for a few days. I will share with you the amazing stories I hear from the incredible moms who I meet and have the privilege of hearing speak about their own journey.

I will be Instagramming and Tweeting the entire time as well, including the fashion… yes, there are a few events that have warranted some recent shopping. I am looking forward to listening to some of my blogging heroes and creating some very special new relationships.

Let’s do this! Time to press reset.

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