The Dentist, Anxiety And A Hair Emergency (Vlog 2)

the dentistTaking all four kids out by myself has become easier and easier, and last week proved that. I took Holden and Beau to the dentist with our twins in tow and it couldn’t have gone smoother. I think the fact that Holden and Beau are becoming more independent is making a huge difference.

Also, in this vlog I open up about my anxiety, and how it peaked recently but what I did to take control again.

Oh, and if life isn’t crazy enough, Beau came home from school with a hair emergency. Watch all of this and more on the today’s vlog…

Don’t forget to subscribe to Nesting Story on YouTube so you don’t miss a video!

What I Do To Reduce My Daily Stress

IMG_3378I never truly knew what stress felt like until I became a mother. Some days it’s the little things that get to me, like the stress of getting everyone out the door. Other days its the bigger things like health issues with my kids.

Over the years I have learned that I needed to work a few stress-reducing routines into my day, everyday, to keep myself happy and healthy.

Here are some ways I reduce my stress each day…

I work out. Rarely a day goes by that I miss my mini workout. I find taking those twenty minutes each morning to stretch and resistance-train sets the tone for the day. I know I have done something for myself, and feel stronger throughout the day.IMG_3335

I have a beauty regime. For a long time I would throw sweats, a sports bra and t-shirt on, maybe wash my face, brush my teeth and put my hair in a ponytail and get on with my day. First it was when I was doing the SAHM thing, then it was when I was working from home. I finally realized that doing this was not only making me unhappy, but I was gaining a little weight too.

Now, I take the time each day to shower, (I only wash my hair every three days, let’s not get ahead of ourselves), wear nicer clothes (including jeans) and a proper bra, and put some makeup on. This beauty regime not only helps me keep the weight off, but also reduces my stress.

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I rest and have a treat each day. Every single day, around 2 p.m., after I’ve had my lunch, I stop working, doing housework, or even playing with my kids and have what I call “mommy’s quiet time.” This is when our twins are napping, so I am able to protect this time each day. On the weekends I send our older kids to their rooms for their own quiet time, and often send my husband out to run errands, or he heads out to the gym.

I make myself a coffee, grab a sweet treat and cozy-up under a blanket on the couch and watch whatever TV show I am currently binging on for about 45 minutes. I will often doze off and take a quick nap. Doing this for myself each day is probably this biggest way I reduce my stress and reset myself. I am very protective of this time, and my entire family knows that I am always more patient and happy afterwards.

I go to bed early. I am very protective of my sleep. I always have been. I am a morning person and need to get to bed by 10 p.m. and be asleep before 11 p.m. to make the most of my early morning wake-up.

Doing this has many benefits. I stay healthy (even when my kids are sick), I fight off stress, I am less likely to eat unhealthy and am generally more happy.


Since April is Stress Awareness Month, Nesting Story has teamed up with Casper, the sleep startup that created the perfect mattress, sheets and pillow for everyone. Here is Casper’s napping guide 101, that shares different types of naps and even some reasons why you might need a nap (as if you really need a reason). Visit Casper.com to learn more about their mattresses and sheets.Casper Napping101_LRG

This post was sponsored by Casper. All opinions are my own.

Why Juggling Being a SAHM And A WAHM Was Destroying My Love For Motherhood And Sabotaging My Business

Office - Nesting StoryThis morning my six-year-old son, Holden, was crawling around our kitchen, pretending to be a spy, in hopes that he could scare his father. This was going on as my five-year-old daughter, Beau, was trying to assert her independence (as she should) by carrying her full glass of orange juice from our kitchen island to the table, as I busied myself bringing our twin toddlers their breakfast.

Suddenly my son heard footsteps, as my husband approached the kitchen. Holden stood up and ran while looking back behind his shoulder, running right into Beau. Orange juice went everywhere and Beau was dripping head to toe.

I screamed “Holddddeeeeen!!!” Then two things followed that shouldn’t have.

First, both Holden and Beau started to panic, saying “sorry, sorry, sorry!” While they each had a look of sheer terror in their eyes. The next was something broke inside of me. I didn’t loose it, like my kids thought I would, and were far too used to. I didn’t cry either.

Remember when the “islands of personality” start to crumble in Pixar’s Inside Out? I felt like a part of me inside crumbled, and I thought to myself, “I can’t do this! I hate motherhood!”

For the last couple of weeks I have been struggling with increasing anxiety. A heaviness on my chest that I have not been able to shake. It may have started with a snarky comment I received from a mom on my You Tube channel…

I’m confused! :-/
You are a blogger, but do you get paid for that?
Your oldest goes to school, then Beau goes to daycare, and you most days have a nanny for the twins?
In this vlog, it’s spring break, so all of the kids go to a full day of daycare, while you go shopping, get ready, and have lunch with friends?
Do you ever just spend a day with your kids, playing, and hanging out!?
I’m a mom to 5 kids beautiful children(18,16,13,12, and 7)
and when they were younger, I was a single mother, who also started a blogging website and worked a full time job.Weekends were spent with my kids and I didn’t blog at all! Since I worked 60 hours a week, I didn’t get a lot of quality time with my kids, so the weekends were all about them!!!
I just don’t get why, if you’re a SAHM, why your children have a nanny and or go to daycare all of the time!? I understand we only see 10-20 minutes of your life, but it seems as though, you get rid of your kids as often as possible!

I rarely feel like I have to explain myself, or respond to mean comments. But this one shook me to the core. This mom had seen tiny snippets of my life in my “day in the life” videos I occasionally make. She didn’t have the whole story. Here was my response…

Hi there. Yes, I do get paid. I worked for a long time unpaid and now I am creating content for three websites. At this point it is a full-time paid job which has added a second income. For a long time I worked while my kids napped, or in the evenings and the other two were in school. In the summer (video 1 you are referring to) we had a part-time nanny for a couple of months, which didn’t work out. I worked for 3 months without childcare and now have our twins in daycare 9 AM – 12 PM each weekday, with occasional full days (depending on deadlines).
I most definitely spend a lot of each day and all day every weekend with my kids.
I rarely use my “work time” to go out with friends or run errands, but when I choose which day to film a day in the life, I will often pick a day with a lot of variety so that the video isn’t just me typing at my desk.
I did the SAHM thing when my first was born, for three years, and it wasn’t for me. It sent me into a depression. It truly is the hardest job, and I knew that I needed to find a balance that not only suited me, but my family too.
So, although I am at home all day, I am not a SAHM shipping my kids off. I am a hard working WAHM.

But this comment, my recent work-load and tomorrow’s launch of my new website and rebranding, has really had me thinking lately. What am I doing? I am now lucky enough to say that I, as a blogger, am bringing in enough paid work each month to work full-time. Yet, why am I paying for childcare and still trying to do so much of the SAHM thing during the day, while working my ass off again at my computer most nights?

WAHM

I am a people pleaser. Or maybe I can finally start saying, I am a former people pleaser. This is something that I have struggled with since childhood. Initially I was pegged as the peace-keeper, but as I grew, my wise mother started pointing out that I was people pleasing too much, and needed to stand up for myself more.

I have come a long way, but even now as a grown adult, I am finding myself people pleasing once again, especially while trying to carve out my path as a full-time working mom, who happens to have her office based out of her home. I am constantly allowing myself to get distracted with lengthly personal phone calls from family, and occasionally be persuaded to meet friends during work hours.

Yesterday I spent the whole afternoon cleaning out my car. The sun was shining, I saw the opportunity and I grabbed it. Last week I went grocery shopping twice, worked out and showered daily, and went shopping for my kids, all during work hours. I am pretty sure if I had a 9am – 5pm office job with a boss, I’d be fired by now.

But when my kids get home from school and daycare, I am stressed beyond belief and a short-tempered ogre, watching the clock, wondering how early is too early to get my kids to bed so I can get back to work?

What the hell am I doing?

After spending days being too distracted to enjoy or complete anything, because the running conversations and arguments in my head were just too loud, I asked myself, “what do you want?”

The truth is, I am completely jealous of the Sheryl Sandbergs and Marissa Mayers of this world. No one questions them about just spending a day playing with their kids. Okay, maybe we all questioned Marissa Mayers’ statement about “taking limited time away” and “working throughout” her twin pregnancy, for a minute. But we applaud them as hard-working women, who also happen to be mothers.

Why have I been creating this massive grey area when it came to me working?

What I really want is to create clear lines. I will be a mom certain hours of the day, and be 100% focused on work, for the other parts. I will stop muddying the waters.

Don’t get me wrong, I will still be the parent who adjusts their schedule when a child is home sick, or has a pressing appointment. That is, at least until I become Mike’s sugar mama.

This will take time to figure out what I let go of, because I know I can’t have it all, and how to adjust my schedule and create stronger boundaries. But at least I have a goal and know what I want.

So to all of the moms out there, who love their kids, but know they want that career, especially as an entrepreneur… it’s okay to stop people pleasing and put your foot down. It’s okay to completely switch hats instead of wearing two at once all of the time.

Let’s drop the guilt and carve out our own path.

Easter Weekend, A Panic Attack And Simplifying Life At Home

I stood in my bathroom, trying to quickly get ready for our second Easter dinner. We had a busy day at Mike parents’ house the previous day, and now it was time to go and have dinner with my family. I had successfully braided one side of my hair and was trying to braid the other side. But despite the fact that I had done this specific hairstyle a thousand times before, my hands just couldn’t seem to co-ordinate with what my brain was telling them.

Mia and Everly Easter egg hunt

I could see Mike watching me, as he got ready from his side of the bathroom. He was intently listening to the increasing number of deep breaths I was taking, as I kept starting this simple braid over and over again.

My chest was tightening, and I felt frustrated with myself. Why wasn’t I getting this simple task?

The previous week was spent taking care of sick children. All four, (plus Mike), had been hit hard with a viral bug. But Mia and Beau took the brunt of it. Between an ice storm, the Easter long weekend and sick kids, I had a week full of children home.

Although running my own business from home has a lot of perks, one thing remains the same… you can’t just not work. Yes, I scaled back, but I was spending the evening hours frantically catching up. Even worse, I wasn’t getting it all out.

Blogging for me is how I release the stress from parenting and work through problems swirling around in my mind. I crave the quietness each day, that my office brings. Then, once the school bell rings, I can be engaged and energetic with my kids.

But the week of colds, fevers, vomit, sleepless nights and toddlers wanting to be carried around constantly had taken it’s toll.

As I stood there staring back at myself in the mirror, my mind felt fragmented.

Worry washed over me, as it sometimes does. Was my mind failing me? Why couldn’t I get this braid?

My chest became heavier, my breathing laboured. Mike knowingly and understandingly walked over and put a hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“I’m having a panic attack.” I replied.

Unlike so many stories I have heard, when I have a panic attack, I don’t feel like I am having a heart attack, or dying. I feel this extreme loss of control. I don’t feel comfortable in my skin. I feel like I can barely breathe and can’t keep my head above water. I knew what I had to do.

I start talking to Mike, telling him what I am feeling, and as I listened to the words coming out of my mouth, reality started coming back. Worries started to gain perspective again and I felt a sense of clarity.

My breathing returned to normal, although my chest is still tight, today, (the next day). I let go of the braids and pulled my hair up into a simple ponytail, and finished getting ready.

We enjoyed our day, while in my mind, I was making a plan of attack.

I would get through the last day our older kids were home, as best I could. I would make sure laundry was away and the house was tidy enough.

I would organize my schedule into two columns: important appointments I will be keeping for the next few weeks and non-work commitments that I can let go of. I would get back to the big home purge Mike and I started months ago and simplify our world.

I would dive into my work this week, knocking my to-do list out of the park and letting the words flow.

Until I get back into my rhythm this week, I am giving myself a break. I am making easy meals… yes my kids have had toast for breakfast and lunch today. At least they have full tummies.

The crafts to keep my kids busy for their last day off have consisted of me stapling computer paper together and instructing them to each create a book. Each of them masterfully came up with incredible ideas, including Beau’s “which colour is missing from the rainbow?” book.

Kids colouring

As the week begins, our routine resumes, and the business of Easter fades away, so will the tightness in my chest. I will stick to my plan of simplification and carefully choose what will feed my soul.

I won’t let myself be swallowed by anxiety and panic. I will allow myself to feel it and keep talking, knowing that my mind isn’t broken, it’s just tired.

I think so many of us parents can feel this way, especially after a particularly rough week of parenting. It is so important to take those deep breaths, let go of what you can and give yourself a break.

Wearing Many Hats As A Mother Can Feel Impossible Some Days

Wearing lots of hatsLast week I froze. I froze and my brain couldn’t seem to process simple tasks. I stood there in my kitchen, with my hands on the counter while my four kids were asking for “more snacks” and “what’s for dinner?”

The dishes were still piled up beside the sink from breakfast, the house looked like a tornado had gone through it, and I couldn’t seem to process what I should do next.

I walked from room to room without completing one a simple task.

Each day I wear many hats. I am a blogger, writer, entrepreneur, business woman, story teller, daughter, sister, friend, mother, wife, caretaker, nurse, janitor, chauffeur, chef, and a therapist, just to name a few.

Throughout the day my brain has to shift into different gears; planning meals, dressing, cleaning and feeding kids, then switch into a momprenuer for different segments throughout the day, before switching gears back into a mom and then often back into a business woman/wife in the evening.

On that particular day last week, my brain couldn’t seem to make the switch. The gears got stuck and I froze in neutral.

Deadlines, ideas, pitches and to-do lists still filled my head while I was supposed to be thinking about dinner, snacks, baths, homework, and spending quality time with my kids.

Working mom

But on this day it all felt like too much.

My four-year-old daughter began screaming, yelling that her throat hurt and she felt so sick. She needed me to shift into nurse mode. I momentarily snapped out of it, assessed that my three other kids were safe and secure, then scooped her up, carried her to her room, tucked her into bed, took her temperature and gave her medicine.

I told her I’d be up in a bit with her dinner and retreated back downstairs. Downstairs to all of my other responsibilities.

It all felt like too much. After another long pause I was able to get a few basic tasks done.

It was time to make the decision on how I would process this feeling of being overwhelmed. Do I  just let the tears flow like I did the previous week? Did I have the energy to snap out of it and take charge? Or do I just numb myself and let all of the extra stuff go?

I made the decision to walk away. Walk away from the mess. Walk away from the to-do list, the emails, the unfolded laundry and focus on my family and my time-sensitive work deadlines.

I had to shelf a bunch of my hats, and focus on one task at a time.

That’s the thing. You can have it all, but never at the exact same time. Something always has to take a back seat. Something always has to wait.

I am learning that if I am going to follow my two dreams: being a mother and a successful entrepreneur, I am going to have to learn that sometimes the extra noise can wait.