Your life is over. This will destroy your body. See you in two years. I’m glad it’s you and not me. You won’t be leaving your house for a long time. Say goodbye to showers. Your hands are going to be full. You are going to be one busy mama. I’m so sorry. This is terrible news.
These are just some of the comments I received during my twin pregnancy. Of course some people were over the moon and cheering me on, but many truly pitied me when I was pregnant with my twins.
I didn’t know what to expect either. Yes, I had two kids already, but twins? What the hell was I in for?
When I started to research twins online and follow other twin mom stories, the general impression I had of bringing twins into our world was that life was over. Twins would rule me, I would never sleep again and any sense of self would go out the window.
Due to increasing hip pain and heart strain I had to pretty much throw in the towel and live horizontally for the second half of my pregnancy. Let me tell you, when your mobility, independence and freedom are taken away, you start to think and reflect.
I would lay there, days on end, thinking about how I had lived my life up to that point. Never quite putting 100% of myself into projects I would take on. Since I can remember, as a child, I would avoid anything that would challenge me or require a lot of myself because I would doubt that I could do it or see it through. I cared a lot about what others thought of me. I hated that I was living life half assed, constantly giving up if I wasn’t able to do something perfect.
Something in the core of my being changed when I was pregnant with my twins. When I was in a pretty dark and discouraging place I vowed to myself that I would truly LIVE after my twins arrived. And I have.I somewhat compare what I went though to a near-death experience. I walked right up to the edge, and looked down. I had everything stripped from me and then given back again.
I started preparing for my twins by endlessly researching logistics, such as tandem nursing, nursery set up and how to prepare my home. I read books, I watched videos on YouTube and I spoke to other twin moms. I was prepared for a twin apocalypse.
Once Mia and Everly arrived I soaked in every minute of their newborn days. I conquered tandem feeding, solo night feedings, going out with all four kids and everyday logistics.
Day by day my body healed. We found a new normal as a family and the dust settled. That’s when I switched my blog to writing about my journey, putting out the real emotion, details and triumphs in my twin mom journey that I so badly craved to read while pregnant.
Of course I have days that I am spent, I feel a little lazy or my patience wears thin. But that fear that resided in me as I went through life before my twin pregnancy is gone. I am going after what I want. The love that I have for the people in my life is more genuine because I am not forgetting myself along the way.
I am brave enough to not only say yes to opportunities, but more importantly I am brave enough to say no.
I go after my dreams and survive rejection without being derailed. I tackle my health and exercise goals in a loving way and am not devastated when I stumble.
People have commented that they see this shift in me. A confidence and a happiness from within, even when I am having a stressful day. Others ask how I am doing everything. The honest answer is, I am living a life that is in now in tune with me. I am on the same team as myself and there is no more conflict within. There is no more guilt that I could be disappointing anyone.
I am now living my life awake, confident and fearless. And it feels pretty damn good!
Mia and Everly